


Four Years

by Sakunade



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Camboy!Taeyong, Character Development, Cheating, Coming In Pants, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Gay Sex, Light BDSM, M/M, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Photographer!Jaehyun, Polyamorous Character, Porn With Plot, Relationship Negotiation, Rimming, Self-Reflection, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Smut, Tags May Change, Time Skips, Vibrators, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-05-13 09:12:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakunade/pseuds/Sakunade
Summary: Jaehyun and Taeyong have been together for over four years now. No relationship is perfect, and Jaehyun reflects on the paths they've taken to be right where they were in that moment - the best, the worst, and the future of their relationship.Please read the tags as they will change with updates.





	1. Paper Hearts

Four years.

1,460 days. More than that actually. As he stood by the window overlooking the small balcony garden of their shared apartment, he counted the days passed. Outside the faint dust of snow blanketed the ground in a thin sheet of white. The sun rose along the horizon, crimson and orange hues cast across the sky as it climbed higher. The heat from the coffee traveled through Jaehyun’s arms, and he took a sip, savoring the bitter liquid. He found himself reflecting on when he had first met Taeyong, the stunning man still asleep in their bed.

*****

It had been the start of his second year of college at NYU. In a tiny studio located near Canal Street, not far from Chinatown he shared with his roommate. A typical broke-ass college student, although the broke factor had remained an unchanged constant since then. He had worked at a restaurant, behind the bar and waiting tables to bring in some extra cash to cover his tuition and college expenses.

It was a well-known place in the heart of the city, the sort all the indie hipsters all flocked to. Craft beers lined the walls, a menu full of eccentric blends of fusion foods, the focus being Tex-Mex but with Asian flair. Wooden tables and polished stainless steel everywhere, in an artsy style screaming simplicity. In reality, it showed the owners ran out of money for decor before opening day and decided to run with it.

“Jaehyun, order up for table 10,” he heard the chef call from behind the kitchen line. Jaehyun turned to take the plates from the expo, lining his left arm with two while carrying the third in his right. He whipped the loose strand of hair from his face as he pushed through the door into the bustling restaurant. Dim lights set the mood. A slight romantic air hung about the patrons but the ambiance still welcomed to anyone. His current table was a family, two parents with their son. While he avoided listening to others conversation, the nature of Jaehyun’s job had him picking up on bits and pieces.

“Taeyongie, you need to go back to school and decide on your major. You have to focus on your specialty soon. You can’t keep taking random classes to pass the time,” the boy’s mother said as Jaehyun set the plate down. “Otherwise, we’ll have to bring you back to Korea with us in December.”

“Mom, I haven’t found anything I enjoy yet. That’s why I’m studying here. To find something...anything that interests me,” the boy replied. He eyed the waiter moving around their table, a hint of mischief turning the corners of his lips upward. Jaehyun set his food in front of him and turned to serve the boy’s father when Taeyong continued. “You, Jaehyun, right? You’re in college, right? What are you studying?”

“Me? I’m studying photography and music production,” Jaehyun answered, catching the boy’s gaze as he placed the food in front of the boy’s father. He regarded the way in which Taeyong lounged back in his chair, dark eyes observed him with playful curiosity, and Jaehyun felt his pulse quicken as he did. Something about the manner in which Taeyong watched him had Jaehyun shifting his weight under the intense stare. He cleared his throat and gave a last scan of the table to verify everything had been set for their meals. “Was there anything else I can get for you folks?”

“No, thank you. We’re good for now,” Taeyong’s father replied as he dug into the food. Jaehyun nodded and turned to walk to the server station, following up with his other tables. As he passed by, he took a moment to play with a small girl and her dolls as he did, with the promise to bring her dessert if she ate all her dinner.

“Who’s the hottie on your table?” came the light voice of Doyoung, his best friend, who leaned out of the station around the corner, watching the boy who had been talking to Jaehyun. “Seems like he’s into you.”

“Doubtful,” Jaehyun said. He leaned against the counter and took a drink from the soda fountain. “He’s some college kid with his parents visiting from Korea, trying to find his purpose and shit. My mind says total fuckboy, here to spend his parents’ money and get laid.”

“No, not a total fuckboy, it’s been at least two weeks since I got laid, although you can change that if you want. And my parents don’t give me any money. I work at a cafe part-time near Central Park, some modeling work on the side.”

Jaehyun coughed into his drink, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. The voice was too deep and rich to belong to Doyoung. He glanced to the side to find Taeyong propped against the wall by the station, arms crossed in front of his chest. Doyoung grinned as he eyed the shorter boy up and down, nudging Jaehyun’s side to push him closer.

“Ah, I’m really so-,” Jaehyun started but Taeyong cut him off.

“It’s fine, I would have said the same about you. I’m Taeyong, by the way.” He waved a dismissive hand in the air as he shook his head.

“Ah, I see. Did...did you need something? Is the food alright?” Jaehyun asked, pulling out his notepad to double check he hadn’t forgotten anything they had ordered. To his side, he could see Doyoung prepare a tray of drinks with more precision than necessary. It was obvious in the way he eavesdropped on their conversation.

Taeyong stepped closer, his fingers slid the notepad from Jaehyun’s hand, letting them linger against his bronzed skin. Flipping to the back of the book, he scribbled something before handing it back. “Call me, let’s get dinner or drinks. I have a sudden interest in photography. Or production. Or both. You, to be honest. Now, can you hand me a bottle of soy sauce, sriracha and bring some limes so my parents don’t think I came over here solely to try and fuck you?”

The confused expression on Jaehyun’s face made Taeyong burst into a fit of laughter, warm and full of delight. The spicy scent of his cologne filled the air between them as he reached past Jaehyun to the counter and took the bottles himself. Jaehyun watched as Taeyong went back to the table, turning to give a sly wink before sitting down next to his mother. Doyoung shoved past Jaehyun to observe the brazen and bold boy, elbowing him hard below the ribs. “I swear to fucking god Jaehyun, if you don’t call that sexy piece of ass tonight, I will murder you myself and take his number.”

“Oh yeah, and how will Jungwoo feel about that?” Jaehyun grabbed some limes and placed them in a spiral arrangement on a plate. He took a deep breath as he flipped to where Taeyong had written his number in his notepad and pulled out his phone.

Doyoung hovered behind his shoulder, jumping to try and glimpse over Jaehyun’s frame but several inches of height blocked his view. “Jungwoo wouldn’t care. If you want me to be honest, he would want to watch. Invite him for drinks at Magpie after work,” Doyoung conceded, cursing his short stature under his breath, and grabbed his tray of drinks.

Jaehyun typed out a quick message, his finger hovered over the send button with slight hesitation. Doyoung rolled his eyes as he glided past, turning to look down at his friend’s phone and pushed send for him. “Oops, my hand slipped. See you at Magpie with your date!”

If it wasn’t for the fact they were roommates, and Jaehyun couldn’t afford the rent on his own, he would have strangled the boy. Doyoung put on his best fake caring face and passed the drinks around his table with a hearty laugh. Grabbing the plate of limes, Jaehyun cursed the insanity. He was about to risk his job for a boy he met less than an hour ago. Glancing towards his table, he noticed the knowing smile on Taeyong’s face. He scrolled through his phone and raised a flawless groomed brow in Jaehyun’s direction. It was the moment Jaehyun knew he was fucked.

*****

“Jesus, fucking hell. You taste incredible, Jaehyun,” Taeyong grunted as he crashed his mouth against the younger’s lips. Dim amber lights filled the murky alley, dark shadows across their faces. Taeyong kept Jaehyun pressed against the wall outside of the pub, tongue swirling around the inside of Jaehyun’s mouth. Despite the obvious difference in their builds, Taeyong’s strength was not to be undermined. Nor the obvious hunger as he devoured Jaehyun’s mouth. He smirked, dragging a particularly deep moan from Jaehyun as his hands slid down the front of his pants to cup the growing bulge underneath the layers of fabric. “Hmm, impressive.”

This wasn’t what Jaehyun expected when he had asked Taeyong to meet him after work for drinks. When he arrived at the pub with Doyoung, he found Taeyong was already there and more than halfway through his beer. A hoppy IPA with an impressive ABV, not his first. But Taeyong was quick to greet them, and loop his arm through Jaehyun’s to guide him over to the bar stools where he had been waiting.

“What are you having? My treat,” he offered as he waved the handsome bartender back down. “Another Maibock for me, and he’ll take….”

“My usual, Jungwoo. Last Train.” Jaehyun leaned against the bar as he smiled at his friend. Servers and bartenders always knew each other, especially when it came to drinks and alcohol. Not to mention Jungwoo spent more time at Jaehyun’s apartment than he did his own. Jaehyun wondered why he didn’t just move in with him and Doyoung to help lower the cost of rent.

Doyoung slid up behind Jaehyun, a fruity cocktail of some kind in his hand, and winked at his boyfriend as he returned with the beers. “I don’t think we introduced ourselves, I’m Doyoung,” he said, leaning closer to Taeyong as he took another sip of his drink. “You were at the restaurant today, right?”

“Taeyong, nice to meet you. Are you the one responsible for this muscle pig at work?”

“And at home, but I let him run free most of the time. You’re welcome to take him off my hands, he’s completely useless.” Doyoung gave a suggestive shrug and wiggled his eyebrows.

“We’ll see, I don’t know if I want to pick up any new pets right now.” Taeyong smiled as he took a drink from his beer. Doyoung continued to make small talk about Jaehyun, as if he weren’t standing right there. Jaehyun huffed with indignation and turned to Taeyong to interrupt their banter at his expense. But the side profile of his date stopped him before he spoke, and he was able to appreciate the boy’s features for the first time since the restaurant.

Taeyong stood a few inches shorter than him, but the cut of his build was completely different than Jaehyun’s. Where Jaehyun was generous in his shoulders and chest, Taeyong was thin and lithe, narrow hips graced his figure. Pink hair gave way to the dark roots beginning to show. His hair hung down around mahogany eyes, framing his delicate face where a faint scar rested on top of his cheek. 

When he smiled, Jaehyun noticed how his lips would pull back to reveal perfect, white teeth and the faintest dimples formed on his cheeks. He was exquisite, and seated in the hazy glow of the bar’s lights gave Taeyong an ethereal, radiant sense about him. Taeyong laughed at one of Doyoung’s comments, letting his eyes fall onto Jaehyun, and Jaehyun was quick to chug half his beer.

Two hours, four rounds of beers, and several intense stares later, Taeyong had motioned for Jaehyun to follow him outside. Jaehyun obliged with the hope the fresh air and quieter environment would allow him to get to know his date better. If he could call Taeyong his date. But the shorter man had immediately turned as soon as the back door slammed shut and shoved Jaehyun back against the wall. Fingers raked through Jaehyun’s hair as Taeyong pressed against him, lips crushed together with the taste of beer floating between them.

And that was how Jaehyun found himself contemplating on whether taking Taeyong home was a reasonable idea. However, rational thinking was beyond him. Taeyong rutted against him, tongue dragging down his neck to the juncture of collar and shoulder. His mouth lapped at the tanned skin, creating a dark bruise into the crook of his neck. “Fuck, okay….this isn’t how I figured this would go down….I, uh...your place or mine then?” Jaehyun breathed through choked moans. 

Taeyong paused his ministrations to pull back, grip tight in Jaehyun’s hair as lips brushed along from his neck to his ear. His voice rich and low with a honey-dripped moan. “Mine. Definitely mine.”

Jaehyun didn’t doubt the way Taeyong’s words held a darker double meaning. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he melted into the older’s arms, the tiny hairs at the base of his neck rising. Taeyong smirked at the control over Jaehyun, his hand trailed up along his side. Thin fingers wrapped around Jaehyun's thick wrist and Taeyong dragged him from the alley. A string of taxis were already lined up and waiting, usual for this time of night near all the major club and bar areas.

“Ah, how far is it? I don’t have much cash, Tae,” Jaehyun asked. His face tinted with heat from both the drinks, making out and now embarrassment at being a broke ass server with little extra income.

“I didn’t ask you for anything, I got it.” Taeyong shoved Jaehyun inside the cab, and told the driver the address. He dropped a hundred dollar bill onto the seat and slammed the window shut, his attention back on Jaehyun. The driver peeked into the rear-view mirror, eyeing them with curiosity as Taeyong once again took to Jaehyun’s mouth. This time, however, Taeyong began unbuckling Jaehyun’s belt and zipper, letting his hand slip inside the dark denim jeans to grasp him.

Jaehyun moaned heavily, biting down into his lip, unconscious that his knees had spread further to allow Taeyong more room to stroke him. Taeyong chuckled as Jaehyun’s head rolled back against the car seat. He climbed into his lap to straddle a muscled thigh as he continued to work his tongue along the sharp jawline. His fingers trailed down through the dark patch of hair below his navel, pulling Jaehyun out from the restraining pants. The younger’s head snapped up, glancing over Taeyong’s shoulder to the driver who kept his gaze locked on the road.

“Don’t worry, he can’t see what I’m doing,” Taeyong laughed, moving his hand up and down. His mouth moved against Jaehyun’s, silencing him from further complaints as Taeyong pulled at the full lips with his teeth, slipping his tongue between. He felt firm hands grasp onto his hips, digging into his side as Jaehyun moaned against him. The pressure and speed of Taeyong’s strokes increased, droplets of precum forming at the tip, his finger sliding across the slit to catch them. He pulled away enough that Jaehyun could watch as he brought it to his mouth, tasting him. “Fuck, that’s good. You watch your diet, don’t you? I can’t wait to taste all of you.”

Jaehyun swallowed, groaning as Taeyong shifted in his lap when he felt it against his thigh. The faintest pulsating vibrations traveling through Taeyong’s body. A soft buzzing much more evident in the silence between them. He was suddenly aware of the sweat lining Taeyong’s brow and the light crimson tint across his face wasn’t from a few beers and intense make-out sessions. His eyes darkened with a new wave of lust and hunger as he held onto Taeyong’s gaze.

“Jesus, Tae...is that…,” Jaehyun choked out, gripping the older’s ass to grind against him, the whirring sounds barely audible but enough for both of them. He bounced his knee gently, causing the base of the vibrator within Taeyong to shift. A soft moan escaped from Taeyong as it moved further up to press into his prostate. His back arched forward, leaning against Jaehyun’s chest as he panted against the curve of his neck. “When did you even put that in?”

“I went home and made sure I prepared for tonight. I wanted to be ready for you,” Taeyong mumbled. He set his hands on broad shoulders as he began to rotate his hips, the friction slightly moving the vibrator around to massage the bundle of nerves. His clothed cock strained against the tight leather pants, eyes closed as he chewed at his lip. He felt Jaehyun’s hand move between them, digging the heel against the growing tent in his pants.

“What if I had said no?” Jaehyun continued to bounce his knee a little harder, the pressure forcing the vibrator to shift and move inside of Taeyong.

Taeyong’s head dropped forward, resting against Jaehyun’s shoulder, moaning against the collar of his jacket. “You wouldn’t have...that’s why you messaged me, right? Think you can keep up with me?”

“I have no idea but I’m going to fucking try.” Jaehyun chuckled as he leaned forward to capture Taeyong’s mouth in his own. Their tongues moved around each other, massaging and tasting everything between them. It was wet and sloppy but the desire was undeniable. It was then the driver cleared his throat as he rapped thick knuckles against the clear glass pane.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt….we’re uh….turning onto the street now. Another minute or so…,” he said, avoiding peeking into the mirror. It wasn’t his first time driving eager kids home, and wouldn’t be his last.

Taeyong groaned as he shoved Jaehyun back into his pants, less gentle than he intended. A pained grunt came from Jaehyun, and Taeyong pressed an apologetic kiss to his cheek as he half-ass buckled the leather belt. It would be much easier to resume where they left off once they were inside. The cab was slowing down before it stopped outside of his apartment building. He tossed another twenty onto the passenger seat and pushed the door open, dragging Jaehyun behind him. The driver caught Jaehyun’s eyes as he exited and laughed. “Good luck, son. You’ll need it.”

The 45-second ride in the elevator from the first floor to the tenth seemed to take hours. Taeyong’s hand pumped Jaehyun in a drawn out rhythm with each floor they passed, tongue circling and tasting each corner of his mouth. Hands gripped at his ass, the slick fabric of his red leather pants stretching as the hold Jaehyun had on him tightened as he bit back a moan, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

“You better not hide those moans from me once we’re inside, Jae,” Taeyong warned. His teeth nipped the flesh below Jaehyun’s Adam’s apple.

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open with a cool gush of air filling the metal cube. Taeyong took a hold of Jaehyun by the loops of his pants, stumbling backwards with his mouth full of Jaehyun’s lips. They staggered down the hall, with an occasional bump into each other, or into a neighbor’s door. The resulting shushed whispers to each other to try to keep silent, though it brought more giggles and laughter from the two than anything else.

Taeyong guided them towards his apartment, pulling himself free long enough to turn his back to Jaehyun. As he opened the keypad, he felt Jaehyun nuzzle against the crook of his neck, placing soft teasing kisses against the sensitive skin. He groaned as he reached behind him to take a handful of the dark blonde hair. He pushed against the strained bulge inside of Jaehyun’s pants, giving a small amount of pressure to the vibrator buried within him. Shaking fingers attempted to enter the key code, missing the numbers twice before he finally succeeded and the door unlocked. Taeyong jerked the door open, and dragged Jaehyun through the threshold.

Seconds after the door clicked behind them, Taeyong turned to meet Jaehyun’s lips with his own, tongue tracing the shape of his mouth. He was pulling off his jacket as Jaehyun’s hands slipped under the fabric of his shirt to caress the bare skin. Taeyong threw his jacket towards the coat hook on the wall and missing completely as it fell to the floor in a lump. He pulled away long enough to yank the dark shirt over his head, tossing the offensive thing to side. Lips began to assault his throat and chest as shoes were kicked off with abandon in the foyer. The cool air hit his exposed chest, nipples hardening and Jaehyun was quick to take one between his teeth with gentle pressure, letting his tongue circle around it. His hands fumbled with the unnecessary amount of buckles and hooks of these damned pants, and Jaehyun wanted to kill the person who designed them. 

Taeyong’s head fell back as a desperate moan escaped his mouth, the sound filling the room and sending a pulse straight through Jaehyun’s core. “Bedroom,” Jaehyun panted against him. He nudged Taeyong further into the apartment with his head, slipping the denim jacket off and dropping it behind him. His fingers slid up the length of Taeyong’s neck, burying themselves in the coral locks at the base as he pulled their mouths together. Taeyong’s fingers hooked onto the top of Jaehyun’s pants, leading the younger towards the bedroom.

He made quick work of the belt and pants as he backed into the room. Taeyong dropped to the edge of the bed before Jaehyun, eyes level with the clothed erection before him. Even through the navy boxers, he could see the darker wet spot forming as precum leaked out, and he lapped at the stain, cupping Jaehyun over the fabric. Jaehyun groaned, looking down at the sight kneeling in front of him, the heat of Taeyong’s mouth seeping through the thin fabric. Taeyong met his gaze as he sucked on the head, hands sliding the dark jeans down muscled thighs, letting them pool around his ankles as Jaehyun stepped out. His hands glided across the toned flesh, gripping into the firm muscle as he kept his eyes locked with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun cupped the sides of Taeyong’s face, his thumb tracing the faint scar under his eye before he brushed across the thin pink lips mouthing at his cock. The friction of fabric separating him from the warmth of Taeyong’s mouth only added to his arousal. A groan echoed in his throat as he bit down on his lip and pulled himself from his boxers, his hand holding his cock in front of Taeyong’s parted lips to take.

“Impatient, are we, Jae?” Taeyong chuckled as he grasped the bottom of Jaehyun’s boxers and pulled them down in a rapid motion, his mouth wrapped hungrily around Jaehyun before the younger could slid them off. His tongue worked around the length of Jaehyun’s shaft, his cheeks hollowed as he sucked hard and fast.

Jaehyun was unable to suppress the loud moan as Taeyong took to him, eager to please. His hand wound its way through the rose-tinted hair, pulling himself deeper into Taeyong’s mouth with a gentle thrust. The sensation was overwhelming, something Jaehyun couldn’t explain other than amazing, lost in the feeling of Taeyong’s mouth. The man sitting on the bed before him was gifted in his talents. Jaehyun’s mind couldn’t keep track of all the little variations and ministrations he was doing to him. The tip of his head pressed into the back of Taeyong’s throat and he glanced down to make sure he wasn’t hurting him but Taeyong hummed with appreciation around him, the vibrations pushing him closer to the edge. 

Pulling away to watch Jaehyun’s reaction, Taeyong loved how lost in himself the other looked under his touch, grinning up at him with a coquettish smile. He flicked his tongue over the head, repeating the movements as saliva dribbled down his chin, taking Jaehyun deeper. Jaehyun bucked forward, confidence gained as he began to slowly fuck into his mouth, matching his movements. 

“Taeyong, too much, I-” Jaehyun grunted out, pulling himself free of Taeyong’s mouth. A trail of spittle connected the swollen, abused lips to the tip of his cock. His thumb flicked over Taeyong’s lower lip, rubbing small circles on his cheek as he bent down, their lips meeting. Jaehyun let his hands glide up the smooth leather pants, lifting Taeyong’s ass to move them into the center of the bed. “Let me take care of you. I want to make you feel good.”  
He straddled Taeyong’s waist, knees digging into the mattress as he leaned forward to paint the heaving chest in kisses. Laying Taeyong out before him, Jaehyun was able to focus on the intricate straps and buttons hiding his prize from him. A brief moment was all it took for the cock-blocking pants to be nothing more than a forgotten pile on the floor and Taeyong was completely exposed beneath him. Taeyong squirmed under Jaehyun’s weight, the vibrator inside still buzzing as he turned himself over and put his ass in the hair, inches from Jaehyun’s face.

“Please Jae,” he begged, his eyes pleading as his rutted against the satin sheets, chasing the smooth friction against his skin. Jaehyun crawled towards Taeyong, his hand wrapping around the base of the vibrator. As he pulled it out, Taeyong cried out from the sudden loss, but Jaehyun was quick to replace the toy with his own fingers. Jaehyun placed gentle kisses along the small curve of Taeyong’s back, working his fingers inside while moving closer to his entrance. 

He dragged his tongue down the cleft of Taeyong’s ass, lapping at the layer of sex and sweat that had lined his skin. Jaehyun glanced to the side, watching Taeyong’s flushed face as he turned to look back at him, taking a hold of his wrist to still Jaehyun’s wriggling fingers. His grip was iron-tight, leaving marks where he was holding as his body shook from the stimulation. “You okay?” Jaehyun ran a soothing hand along the small of Taeyong’s back, slight concern on his face. 

“Just fuck me already, Jae,” Taeyong panted, burying his face further into the sheets. Jaehyun smiled to the older, rubbing his fingers across Taeyong’s prostate a couple more times before he let his fingers slip out from him. And that was when Jaehyun slid his tongue inside and began to wreck Taeyong with his mouth. The wiggling of Jaehyun’s tongue inside of him was enough to rip an obscene line of moans from Taeyong, pressing himself back onto Jaehyun’s face. He writhed as Jaehyun circled his rim, the cold, moist spit a pleasurable contrast the heat from his body. 

Strong hands dug into the flesh of Taeyong’s ass, pulling them further apart so that Jaehyun could get to every part of him. He was a man enjoying his last meal on earth with the fervor in which he took to tasting Taeyong, saliva running down his jaw and Taeyong’s thighs. He pulled back, a loud slurping pop and reached for the bottle of lube and condom next to the bed, conveniently placed on the nightstand on full display. Jaehyun ripped the foil wrapper with his teeth, sliding the condom down over his shaft and pressed the tip against Taeyong’s hole. He took a deep breath, steadying himself as he slipped inside with a strained grunt.

“Jesus Taeyong, you’re so tight, even after all that,” Taeyong heard Jaehyun’s voice pant as he slid deeper inside. He could make no other answer and simply moaned in response, savoring the feeling as Jaehyun filled him completely, the delicious sensation of every part of him stretched out around the thickness of Jaehyun’s cock. He moved to bury his face in the bed, white knuckled as the sheets twisted between his fingers.

Yet he felt Jaehyun’s hand trail up his back through the layer of sweat, settling at the base of his neck, the slight pressure sending a shiver through his body. He wanted more and for this to never end, and Jaehyun’s grip tightened ever so. Long fingers pressed into his collarbone as Jaehyun pulled back, enough the tip of his cock slipped out to tease against Taeyong’s rim, before he slammed hard back in. Jaehyun repeated the motion again, breathy moans poured out of Taeyong’s mouth, his name falling between gasps buried in the mattress.

Taeyong never wanted this to stop, his own cock leaked out against his thighs, precum dripping down the smooth skin and onto the sheets. He felt Jaehyun’s hold on his neck slip down the curve of his spine, tracing the arch of his back as he continued to pound into him. Thick hands took hold of his waist, pulling him further back as Jaehyun shifted their position. He slipped back into the warmth of Taeyong, and the slight adjustment allowed him the perfect angle for him to hit Taeyong’s prostate. Taeyong’s body instinctively curled under as the wave of pleasure moved through his body, with a choked scream and zero shits who might hear him. Behind him, Jaehyun answered the sound with a deep growl, thrusting even harder and deeper to continue milking those sounds from Taeyong.

“God, fuck, yes Jae” he gasped, Jaehyun’s cock thrusting against his prostate drawing a beautifully sinful cry from his lips. Intense pleasure cycled through him, and he reached for his cock, wrapping a tight fist around himself. He jerked himself in rhythm to Jaehyun, the sound of skin slapping together setting the pace. Taeyong felt himself losing strength, his orgasm just on the cusp, teetering in the pit of his stomach. It only took a few more deep thrusts before he was spilling all over his hand and the sheets.

Behind him, Jaehyun’s hips grew sloppy in their pace, erratic movements as he fucked Taeyong through his orgasm while chasing his own. He could feel every muscle tighten and clench around his cock as Taeyong rode out his high, panting heavily against the bed. Exhaustion had started to fill his body, sweat covering their bodies, and Jaehyun doubled over Taeyong’s back, coming hard into the condom with a grunt. For a moment, neither of them moved, the air silent between them aside from their labored breathing as they fought for air from the exertion.

Jaehyun licked his lips, depleted of all energy to even bother cleaning. With a heavy exhale, he pulled himself from Taeyong’s body and slipped the spent condom off, tying the opening. Taeyong whined at the loss, rolling onto his side and watching as Jaehyun tossed the condom in the trash. He flopped down on the bed with a groan, as Taeyong curled against his side, throwing his arm across Jaehyun’s stomach. 

“Thank you, Jaehyun. That was really amazing,” came Taeyong’s voice, sore and raspy from everything before. A content sigh escaped Jaehyun’s mouth, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling the smaller boy closer. The need for sleep forced his eyes to close, yet he knew that if he conceded to the fatigue that plagued him that it would mean the night was over.

And yet, sleep still came and Jaehyun found himself drifting off, deep in the embrace of the mysteriously beautiful pink haired boy clinging to him, already lost to the night.

*****

“Jesus…...” Jaehyun groaned under his breath. Squinting his eyes, he raised a hand to shield them from the blinding sunlight pouring into the room. He rolled away from the window, head pounding as he tried to focus on where he was. He realized the room and bed in which he currently sat was not his own.

He replayed the events from the night before; memories of lean muscles, overpowering confidence and thin lips. The bed beside him shifted as the warm body pressed closer to his side and he gazed down. Taking in the radiance of Taeyong fast asleep, pink strands of hair over his eyes. It took everything within Jaehyun to not brush the hair to the side. Instead he watched as the boy slept on, the gentle motion of his chest in time with soft breaths.

A heavy sigh came out as Jaehyun pulled himself up to sit in the bed and shifted the cover to the side, not caring he was still naked from the night before. His eyes traveled around the room, an actual bedroom unlike the studio he shared with Doyoung. He remembered the living room and kitchen, not having the chance to look around when they stumbled in last night. Jaehyun had been rather preoccupied with other more pressing matters to notice the layout or decor. It was evident though, Taeyong was undeniably spoiled by his parents, the apartment much grander than a college student could afford alone, especially in New York.

Beside him, Taeyong muttered something unintelligible through sleepy breaths, still deep in whatever dream. Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile at how adorable it was. Guilt began to creep through him, and he leaned forward to bury his face in his hands. The previous night was not what he wanted for them, to be nothing more a forgotten name and face as another rushed fling in the calendar of Taeyong’s life. One night stands weren’t something Jaehyun did. He preferred to take it slow and build a relationship with someone before jumping into sex.

But with Taeyong….Taeyong was a flawless exception. Jaehyun felt himself wanting to give the boy anything and everything he asked, and Taeyong had wanted to sleep with him. He had wanted it too, because Taeyong’s entire existence was the epitome of walking sex on legs. The confidence he exuded from every part had latched on and dragged Jaehyun in deep, unnecessary feelings hitting out of left field.

With caution, he slid off the bed and began the search for his clothes, thrown with abandon around the room. He avoided making any noise so Taeyong would sleep through his walk of shame. He wanted to avoid the awkward post-hookup tension in the air between them. He kept his head and eyes to the ground, scanning for the last remnants of his belongings. Grabbing his wallet and phone, he dressed with silent speed. A final glimpse over his shoulder at the boy still sleeping before he slipped out of the room, the door closing with the softest click. He was quick to cross the grand living room and duck out of the apartment. The memories of the night faded to the back, knowing he would most likely never see Taeyong again.

Weeks passed. 

Jaehyun focused on his classwork, trying finish his project for his Advanced Lighting class with Professor Jenkinson. Somehow, she was under the impression her class was the only one any of them were taking. She required not only a 10 page essay on the importance of lighting composition, but a full portfolio displaying examples of difference kinds of lighting, shutter speeds, and aperture. Unfortunately, Jaehyun's other professors all held a similar belief. With finals looming around the corner, he found himself living on a diet only of coffee, beer, instant ramen, fluffernutters, and whatever dead food he took from the kitchen at work.

It was still a week left before the project was due, and he waited outside of the lecture hall for Lucas to join him. They had agreed to meet up and exchange ideas and get a few last minute shoots in together. Lucas was Jaehyun’s main model after Doyoung, as well as one of his best friends, the two having known each other since Jaehyun’s year senior year of high school. His face was unique in the way Jaehyun was unsure if he was adorable like a child, or completely sexual like the fuckboy he actually was. Lucas’s track record with the girls in their school exceeded Doyoung’s reputation with the men, a feat in itself considering Jungwoo and Doyoung were open with their relationship. From the corner of his eye, he caught the glimpse of chestnut hair, nonchalant as he strolled towards him. Large black glasses shielded his eyes from the sun, head down as he tapped away on his phone.

“Why do you look like you just woke up?” Jaehyun asked. He met Lucas halfway to speed up the process, as if the towering giant of a man couldn’t be bothered with their meetup.

“Because I did. I was busy last night...and this morning,” Lucas quipped back, peering down at his friend. He lifted the glasses above his brow, eyes squinting as they met Jaehyun’s amused look. It never ceased to amaze Jaehyun how he could seem so soft and deadly at the same time.

“Oh yeah? What’s her name?”

“Fuck off. Buy me coffee first. You can tell me how much you love me because I’m saving your ass on this project of yours…..again,” Lucas muttered, teeth grinding with feigned annoyance. “There’s a decent shop nearby. I know you’re broke as fuck but you can at least buy me a coffee, right?”

Mad City Cafe was small, hidden and easily overlooked. Jaehyun could understand why he had never been to this particular cafe before, and he prided himself on finding the hidden gems in the city. But this cafe was located on a tiny back street, not far from Central Park and was actually located on the second floor above an old, family-run Korean restaurant. A simple sign hung above the stairs leading up, neon green script above a blacked out shadow of the New York skyline. Jaehyun followed Lucas up the narrow stairs, ducking his head to enter the low doorway.

Inside, the decor was artistic, right out of a Pinterest post. Walls painted with the bare tint of aqua, several photographs and abstract paintings lined the walls, almost like a gallery. Strings of floating light bulbs hung from the ceiling, casting the cafe in a soft light. The bar was to one side, a series of couches and tables to the other. The barista behind the counter moved with a precise grace and fluidity to prepare drinks. Most of the baristas were young, and attractive beyond explanation…especially…

Fuck.

His breath caught in his throat. Pastel colored hair bounced around behind the counter. A cheerful smile at the customer before him, chatting about something which caused his lips to open in a wide smile as he laughed. Jaehyun felt the heat rush to his face and he cursed his luck. He whipped around on his heel and grabbed Lucas’s arm, resulting in a startled yelp as he flinched. “Hey, Lucas, let’s try somewhere else. I’m not feeling the vibe here.”

Confusion furrowed Lucas’s thick eyebrows as he pulled his arm free of Jaehyun’s grasp. “You’re fucking kidding, right? This is completely your type of place. Look, they have all the local, starving hipster artists and photographers bring in their works and sell them. It’s a rotating collection of independent artists! You can put your shit here, to get started, until you can open your own gallery.”

Jaehyun shook his head, turning his head over his shoulder to see if they had drawn any attention. In an instant, he regretted it.

Taeyong stared, open-mouthed, in his direction. Their eyes locked, frozen in their respective places. Frustration and annoyance marred the normal warm and welcoming face of the barista. Wrinkles flitted across his forehead as he shook his head, his eyes rolling towards the ceiling and a hand going to his hip. “Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun wanted to start walking out of the door, pretend like he didn’t hear him and feign ignorance.

Except Lucas was already looking past him towards Taeyong. He watched as Taeyong wiped his hands clean on a towel and said something to his coworker. The coworker chuckled as he took a slight glimpse of them and gave a curt nod, before Taeyong gave a cursory bow. An impish smile moved across Lucas’s face as he glanced back at Jaehyun, watching the internal conflict in his eyes. “Oh not terrible, Jae. Ex?”

“One night stand. Please….Lucas,” Jaehyun whispered.

“One night stand but he remembers your name? Must have been some amazing ass sex, no pun intended.” Lucas laughed, the raucous sound echoing in the small cafe. “You should use him for your shoot. I’m not into guys, but I can admit he’s fucking hot. He’d look better in your photos than me, and hell... even Doyoung. Shit, get ready, lover boy. He’s coming….well, maybe later tonight...”

“What?!” Jaehyun tried to push him towards the door but the taller man stayed rooted in place. Where Lucas got the strength from, Jaehyun will never know but it took only seconds. Taeyong was at their side, eyes turned into warm crescents and dimples gracing his perfect face. He was every bit as flawless as Jaehyun remembered from their night together.

“Hey...it’s been a while,” Taeyong started, breaking the tension first with hesitation. A slight bite lingered in his voice as he looked over Jaehyun and Lucas to assess the two of them, and judge the situation. Lucas’s amused smirk did not go without notice. “What’s been up?”

“Uh, hey, Taeyong. Sorry, yeah, it’s been a while….and I’ve been getting my ass kicked with projects for finals,” Jaehyun stammered out. Scratching the back of his neck as he frowned, eyes shifted once more towards the door. He decided it would be even more awkward if he made a run for it now they were both here. “This, uh….is my friend, Lucas.”

Lucas nodded, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face as if he were appraising a piece of meat for the slaughter. He gave a brief approving pat on Jaehyun’s arm before pulling out his phone.

“Yep, nice to meet you. I’m straight, he’s not and he’s single. I’ll let you guys catch up. Call me later if you still need a model, Jaehyun, but I think you’ll be fine. Have fun, be safe, make smart choices...don’t do anything too stupid.” Lucas dropped his glasses back over his eyes and walked out of the cafe, leaving the other two staring after him.

Jaehyun shook his head, a string of silent curses as he turned back to Taeyong. The barista motioned to an open table and Jaehyun followed, hesitant to take the seat across from him. He paused a moment to reign his emotions before he started again. “Sorry about Lucas. Subtly isn’t his-,”

“Are you going to act like we didn’t sleep together? You just left. I woke up and you were gone. No note, or messages or anything...” Taeyong’s voice was harsh but kept his eyes downcast, hands toying with the strings of the apron tied around his waist. The sudden jump into the elephant in the room threw Jaehyun off, mouth snapping shut as Taeyong continued. “I thought...I didn’t think you were like that. I thought you….”

“I’m not. That night...wasn’t what I expected. I didn’t call you with the intention of hooking up and leaving. But you never called after that, Tae. I assumed it meant you didn’t want anything else and I didn’t want to bother you,” Jaehyun said.

He let out a short sigh, a better excuse for why he left evaded him at the moment. If he was truthful with himself, he didn’t even know why he was so quick to leave. He remembered exactly how radiant Taeyong had looked with the morning sunlight on his face. He had panicked at the time, and he regretted his hasty judgment but Taeyong deserved better.

“I lost my bag on the subway, my phone and wallet were stolen. I didn’t have your number on anything else. I swung by the restaurant a few times to see if I could catch you, but you weren’t working. And you haven’t been to Magpie recently either.”

“Rent was due. A priority over drinks, unfortunately, considering Doyoung and I scrape by most months. Seems we’re just the result of unfortunate timing and poor circumstances.” A hearty chuckle moved through Jaehyun’s throat, and Taeyong’s cheeks rose at the sound, deep dimples forming. Jaehyun met the warm smile and leaned forward, his hand reaching out to take Taeyong’s.

“I’m really sorry, Tae. I...damn, I really like you. I honestly didn’t want to start something with just sex, it wasn’t my plan or intentions at all. You’re just so….confident and you are the definition of temptation. It’s hard to say no to you.”

Taeyong nodded, his fingers intertwined around Jaehyun’s, noting the slight difference between their sizes. Small burns and coffee ground stains littered the smooth skin of Taeyong, calluses and cuts from making drinks and serving across Jaehyun’s.

“Since you can’t say no, do you want to have an actual date? No sex this time. Your friend said you needed a model, right? I happen to be a model of sorts.” Taeyong batted his eyes in a girlish flirty manner, causing Jaehyun to pull back with a flushed face buried in his hands and laugh.

“Yeah, you wanna help with my project? I don’t know, I work fast when it comes to photography….think you can keep up?”

Taeyong gripped Jaehyun’s hand tighter, standing to lean over across the table. He moved so close the heat of their breaths mixed and mingled together, the distances between their mouths minimal. His gaze remained fixed, intent and focused on Jaehyun’s. “Oh, I know I can. Easily. I get done in about an hour. Wait for me?”

Despite what Taeyong had said about no sex, every impure thought and idea ran through Jaehyun’s mind. He found all moisture leave his mouth as he shifted under the hungry look. He forced himself to nod in response. A delicious smile answered his unspoken agreement ad Taeyong pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. He walked back over to the counter and returned to work, his coworker nudging his arm as he did. Jaehyun couldn’t hear the exchange of words, but moments later, the coworker was bringing a cup over to him and set it down as Jaehyun pulled books from his bag.

“It’s on the house, for taking care of Taeyong. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him happy like this. Ten, by the way. Resident work wife and mom here,” he said, flicking a stray strand of hair back from his face. Jaehyun had to admit Ten was absolutely gorgeous, and he immediately felt inadequate in comparison to his stunning visuals. Large dazzling eyes, dark brown hair, chiseled jawline and perfect milky skin. Ten clutched the tray closer to his chest, his head cocked to the side as he observed Jaehyun with amusement. “Our boss is out today, so I’ll see if I can get him off early for you.”

Twenty minutes after he dropped the coffee off, Ten pushed Taeyong out from behind the counter, telling them to enjoy the day and beautiful fall weather.

*****

Taeyong’s bag fell to the floor as he entered his apartment, kicking off his shoes in the small foyer before traipsing across to his bedroom, a trail of clothes behind him as he undressed. His date with Jaehyun had been perfect, but the photos had taken longer than he anticipated. Jaehyun was nothing short of a perfectionist, and was precise in every angle he captured. It was only with a brief but fiery kiss and the promise of another date later in the week Taeyong was able to rush away, making sure to store Jaehyun’s number in his new phone before running to catch the subway.

He now had only around 30 minutes before his show started, and he had to make sure he was completely prepared and ready. Turning the shower to a comfortable temperature, he stepped under the running water. A full shower would have to wait until after, but he made sure remove any unwanted hair from his body, legs smooth and chest free from the dark hair trailing down his stomach.

His skin was still damp when he pulled an over-sized pink sweater from his closet, and a pair of black briefs. Moisture clung to him as he quickly dressed and put on a pair of thick rimmed glasses, hair still a mess hanging around his face but it gave the adorable bookworm look he was hoping for. Hands engulfed by the sleeves of the sweater, Taeyong flipped open his laptop and logged into his account, TaesTYTrack95. Requests started to pop up almost immediately, but he wasn’t ready to start yet. He set a message he would begin in five minutes time, and apologized for running late.

He moved to his closet and found his box of toys, and a boyish smirk flitted across his face as he searched for the one he wanted to use for today. He found his favorite, a large blue vibrator which had been purchased as a gift for him by one of his regular viewers, BDSMHero127. Taeyong had started camming when he was just 17, having lied about his age when he first started, and quickly developed an unyielding fan base.

He tossed the vibrator and a bottle of lube onto the bed, then adjusted the lights in his room, slight shadows settling into the corners as a dim red hue filled the space. Taeyong adjusted his camera as he checked the feed, making sure he looked flawless for his audience, before he went live and settled into the middle of his bed. He waved as the room started to fill, messages flooding the screen and he leaned closer, teeth chewing on his lip as he breezed through the messages.

“Hi everyone! It’s great to see you again!” His voice much sweeter and higher than normal, giggling as his viewers praised everything from his messy hair to his lips, his glasses and his sweater, to the shape of his thighs. He was used to the rapidly growing view count, as he averaged a few thousand at any time. The comments continued to pour in but Taeyong focused his gaze directly into the camera, peering over the rim of his glasses at his audience.

“I’ll get started in just a minute, I’ve got something special planned for today,” he cooed, showing the vibrator to the camera. Teeth dug into his lower lip as he displayed it to everyone watching, the corners of his lips turning upward with anticipation. “This one can be controlled through the internet, and it’s from Lovense. It also has a remote that you can control if you’re out for a night on the town with your partner. To get today’s special code and be a part of the show, make a donation! But you only have a few minutes to donate! Please, oppa...I want you to be in control of me tonight.”

He shifted back and set the vibrator to the side, next to the red bottle of lube near his pillows. Leaning against one arm as his legs curled under him, the sweater pooled around his thighs though the edge of dark underwear peeked out from the hem. He took one finger to his mouth, biting nervously as he glanced down from the camera. He sat up, crossing his legs in front of him, flashing a brief view of his clothed half-hard erection before the sweater covered it again as he settled down, leaning forward onto his elbows.

“Do you like what I’m wearing? I wanted to look cute for you today. My classes have been getting really hard lately,” Taeyong pouted as he asked the viewers, the count currently around 6,600 and still increasing. He paused as he waited for the responses to come in, toying with the sleeves of his sweater as he pushed the glasses further up his nose. “Oh? You want to see what I have under it? Ready for me to take it off?”

He giggled as he moved to his knees, scooting closer to the camera as he slowly lifted the bottom of his sweater to reveal the black briefs, hardening cock pressed against the fabric. Taeyong held the sweater above his stomach, exposing toned abs as he ran long fingers up and down the smooth skin, letting them brush against the tent growing in his lap. “Does my body look nice like this? I made sure I was extra clean for my oppa,” he keened, grasping at his cock over the underwear. He could feel the pressure of the audience’s stares as he stroked himself, the sensation of being watched by thousands making him grow hot and flustered.

Comments complimented the softness of his skin, the low reds of the room reflecting against it and the light of the cameras adding an extra glow. They begged to see more, all of him, and he conceded, crossing his arms to grasp the edge of the sweater. With drawn out motions, he pulled it over his head, letting it fall off the edge of the bed. Taeyong let out a teasing whine as he ran his hands up and down across his bare chest, fingers dancing across perk nipples.

“Is that better? You like seeing this? I’m glad it makes you happy. Do you want to watch me prep myself? I didn’t get much time earlier to do it...”

An impish giggle escaped his lips as thin fingers moved down his body and slipped beneath the band of his briefs. He moved the fabric down teasingly, the curve of his pelvic bone appearing as he slid them further down his thighs, exposing his erection to the camera. He took the base of his cock in his hand, stroking as he leaned back on his calves to give the audience a full view of his naked body. Precum formed at the head, his hand rolling over the slickness to move it down the shaft. He let out a moan, his teeth biting into his lower lip and stared into the camera with needy intensity.

Taeyong shifted with perfected grace and ease, and let his hand move to his waist, removing the briefs completely. His legs dropped open, on full display to the audience watching him. He caressed the flesh along his thighs, gently dragging his nails as his hands traveled between his legs and up his waist. He leaned back into the pillows propped behind him and his head rolled to the side with a coy smile. One hand moved to his chest, teasing his nipple while the other slid back down his stomach to play with himself. His fingers ran up the length, and he gave himself a few languid strokes before his hand slipped further down to rub over his entrance.

“Want to know what it feels like in here?” He asked as he rubbed small circles around his rim with his finger. He watched the comments flooding his screen, an endless stream of praises and obscenities, begging and pleading for him to do more than torturing his viewers and he loved it. He loved how much pleasure others got from his own pleasure. It was selfish and needy and he craved the attention he received. Taeyong reached for the lube resting on the bed next to him, taking the cap to his mouth. His tongue circled the round cap, sucking it as if he were giving head before popping the cap open with his teeth.

He held the bottle high above his waist, not bothering to warm the cool liquid before it landed on his skin and his back arched under the sensation. A loud moan poured from his lips as he used more than was necessary for today, instead coating his cock and hands in a perfect slick sheen. Taeyong let his fingers gather some of the excess and massaged his opening, his gaze to the lens as he pressed inside of himself. He let a few more drops of lube fall onto his balls, before he snapped the lid closed and tossed the bottle to the side and took himself in his hand. He began to slowly pump both hands in a teasing rhythm, the finger buried in his ass and the other stroking his cock.

“Oh, you want to see more? One finger isn’t enough, is it?” Taeyong closed his eyes for a brief moment, letting himself enjoy the feeling of fucking himself through the slick wetness as he added a second finger. The stretch was not something he was unused to, in fact, it was still not enough for him but his viewers loved it when he worked himself open like this. However, Taeyong didn’t feel like taking his time and he wanted more. He took only a minute more before he added a third, brow lined with sweat and face flushed with rising pleasure.

Taeyong moved his hand faster, increasing the speed in which he fucked himself, fingers buried deep within. He could feel the heat rising throughout his body, and he took his cock in his other hand. His head rolled to the side, maintaining a heavy-lidded gaze into the camera as his heels pressed into the mattress. Another delicious moan poured out as he stroked himself in rhythm to his fingers moving inside. “Ah, oppas, I want to feel you inside...”

Taeyong could feel the heat rising, the pleasure radiating throughout his body. He pulled his fingers from inside and reached for the vibrator laying on the bed next to him. His hand took a tight grip at the base of his cock, suppressing the growing urge and need to come. Sliding closer to the camera, Taeyong picked up the bottle of lube once again and poured an excessive amount onto the head. He leaned closer to his audience, his eyes fucking them through the camera. “Do you want to help me fuck myself, oppa? You can control this, okay?”

He winked as he leaned back and adjusted the pillows to prop himself from the bed, granting his viewers a better angle of his ass as he spread his legs wide open. Cock and hole on full display, light scratch marks along the insides of the soft fleshy thighs. The head of the vibrator pressed against his entrance, and his teeth dug into his lips as it slid inside with ease. He stretched around the soft plastic, and let out a satisfied moan at the welcomed feeling. Taeyong adjusted for a moment, pumping the vibrator in a gentle motion before he reached for the remote and turned it on.

The most erotic sound escaped his lips as the vibrator sprung to life inside, immediately on the highest setting. Taeyong gasped at the raw sensation, an iron grip on his cock to prevent him from coming right then. His viewers were taking no sympathies with him tonight, and he loved how they punished him for all the teasing he did. Whoever was the highest bidder wasn’t playing around, and he needed to know who was so desperate to see him unravel before the camera. He glanced towards the comment feed and the donation bar, not surprised to see the name – BDSMHero127, his faithful regular.

“Ah, oppa….please. I won’t last long like this!” Taeyong whimpered, letting small tears form in the corners of his eyes. The vibrations slowed enough that he could catch his breath. Taeyong wrapped his hand around his cock and began to pump himself in slow, firm strokes, matching the speed of his wrist moving the vibrator in and out. Yet he was moving too slow for his viewers and the buzzing increased again. Wide eyes peered into the camera and he moaned, thrusting the vibrator with new speed, mouth open as his tongue circled his lips.

It wasn’t much longer before Taeyong was giving in, no longer holding out as he continued to stroke himself, harder and faster. Head swollen and strained as he arched up from the bed, white spurts of come painting his chest and stomach. His movements slowed, fingers trailing through the mess and milking every last drop out of his cock. The vibrator inside continued whirring and buzzing, over-stimulation driving his orgasm to the fullest edge. His free hand reached down between his legs and pulled it out, taking his time to put on a good show for the camera, smoldering eyes never leaving the frame.

With a lewd pop, the vibrator slipped out completely and his rim puckered around empty air. His dark eyes remained locked on the camera, face red and lined with sweat. He swallowed to catch his breath, panting heavily as he sat up, showing his cum-coated fingers to the viewers. “Thank you so much everyone! Bye-bye!” He waved to his fans, fingers disappearing into his mouth as he tasted himself and cut the feed. Comments and support continued to pour in, but Taeyong didn’t care enough to read them right away.

Instead, he rolled back over to his back, staring at the ceiling above him. The drying mess on his stomach was sticky and he knew he needed another shower. He would look through all the comments and messages after he cleaned himself, take a few selcas to send to his main supporters. Photos….he wondered if Jaehyun had ever watched his show. Taeyong never hid his face during shows, so if Jaehyun had seen any of them, he should have recognized him immediately. He wondered if Jaehyun would ever take photos for him, or even better, film with him. He’d been camming for so long solo, Taeyong was curious how much more exciting it would be with a partner. And sex with Jaehyun had been more than satisfying and wonderful in bed.

But it was too early for any of that. They’d had an interesting start to their...whatever this thing between them was. Taeyong liked Jaehyun and didn’t want to overwhelm him with his main job yet. He wasn’t ashamed of sex work, but not everyone was open minded about it. The few times he had told someone he trusted, they looked at him with judgment and disgust after. No, telling Jaehyun about his cam work would have to wait, and with that, he dragged himself off of the bed and returned to the bathroom for a proper shower.

*****

Jaehyun moved from the living room towards the bedroom, the floor chilly beneath his bare feet. He stood against the doorway as Taeyong continued to sleep on undisturbed in bed. Sunlight began to seep through the window, rays of light cast against the soft, white skin as his chest moved in a gentle rhythm as he breathed. His body twitched, causing Jaehyun to walk towards the bed. 

He sat near the edge, setting his coffee on the nightstand next to their bed. He found himself smiling as he watched the older boy sleep, eyes closed and angelic in how peaceful he appeared. Jaehyun let out a deep sigh, brushing back a stray piece of silver hair from the serene face. He hated how much he loved Taeyong, how he would turn the world on its head for him, and yet, he knew it was completely pointless. Four years with Taeyong had taught him otherwise.


	2. Cotton Clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally finished this chapter. As I said, to avoid spoilers, I would only update tags as I go. Therefore, MAKE SURE YOU'VE READ THEM.
> 
> New Tags: Cheating, Infidelity, Accidental Voyeurism, Caught, Shower Sex, Handjobs, Coming in Pants, Choking,

Three years.

1095 days.

Jaehyun wondered if spring was nice in Chicago, he had always heard so much about it from one of the interns at the studio he had worked for. He had always wanted to visit yet had never made the trip over there. He wanted to see the museum and a number of exhibits in the city. It had always been a dream of his to recreate Ferris Bueller’s day off, with the love of his life, his best friend, at his side. Just a carefree day with nothing to worry about – no deadlines for prints, no 3am phone calls from magazines wanting a last minute shoot since their first choice backed out….and their second, and third. Hell, Jaehyun had still never been to the Top of the Rock, or gone to the Empire State Building, despite having been together for over four years. Those sort of things were beneath what Taeyong enjoyed doing, he preferred the less conventional way of things, as Jaehyun had learned.

It had been the spring after their first anniversary when Jaehyun and Taeyong had moved in together, and it had made sense, financially. Doyoung had conceded the living arrangements were increasingly complicated, as both of them were in serious relationships and a shared studio apartment was no longer ideal, given the high sex drives of two young men and their respective partners. In the end, Doyoung and Jungwoo took over the lease while Taeyong offered for Jaehyun to move into his apartment, considering the location was closer to the university and Jaehyun’s new job, working as a photographer’s assistant.

The summer heat was exhausting, humidity thick in the air from the beach. Outside, even the shade could rival a sauna and it was impossible to get much work done in a reasonable time. The photographer was an older woman, some 30 years senior to Jaehyun and known for her couture style. Her specialty was vintage inspired looks, retro chic in the bustling modern city life. Over the last few months, Jaehyun found that her favorite models were highly susceptible to any sort of weather. They often wilted into tiny puddles as soon as they left the comfort of their make-up tent, sweat forming at the slicked back edges of their hair, the teased curls and rolls losing some of their shape. They had to frequently stop and reapply a fresh layer of foundation and reset their locks every 10-15 minutes, resulting in their schedule running much longer and later than anticipated.

Although it was the peak of summer, the pier was surprisingly empty, save for a few older couples taking leisurely strolls along the boardwalk. Jaehyun glanced briefly at his watch, the minutes ticking by painfully slow, tapping his foot. He reached for his phone, tucked into his back pocket and checked his messages: 2 missed calls, and 10 texts, all from Taeyong. They had been out here for close to 4 hours now, and they had yet to move onto the couple photos. The girls had returned to the tent for the 10th time in an hour and the photographer huffed with indignation, her round cheeks puffing out. “You aren’t the only ones out here sweating, dearies! The sooner we finish, the sooner we can all go home!” She shouted as the three girls shuffled back into the tent, giggling amongst themselves.

“I swear, they get more ballsy every shoot. If they weren’t some of the best models for this look, I would string them up by their garters!” She grumbled, flopping down in the lawn chair her partner had brought for her. Jaehyun smiled at the auburn-haired woman, her spitting, snarky attitude reminded him so much of Taeyong. Few flecks of gray-streaked across her hair, perfectly lined into the center of her own rolled fringe, a large violet flower stuck to the side of her head. It complimented her teal halter dress and seafoam green bolero jacket.

“Yes, but you love your girls, Birdie. They’re like your daughters,” Jaehyun teased, nudging her shoulder.

“Yeah, a pain in my fucking ass. You try taming them for me, tell me how that goes, okay?” Birdie snapped back, calloused hands rubbing her neck as she removed the heavy camera. A tan line was already forming from where the strap had been sitting for the last few hours, and he could only imagine the shade of lobster red her fair skin would be in the morning after today.

“Yeah, you know they’re not exactly my cup of tea. Speaking of which….and I know we’re a little behind as it is, and I wouldn’t normally duck out, but it’s Tae’s birthday and I know he’s been wanting to see this play...” Jaehyun trailed off, scratching his head as he kept his gaze to the side. He glanced towards the subway station in the distance, flinching when she covered his mouth to stop him from speaking further.

Birdie nodded and patted his cheek, her matronly affection showing for the young man, caring for him as if he were her own son. Jaehyun had been working with her for close to six months now, and she loved him almost as much as she loved her dog. Which was a great deal, considering it was an adorable fluffy Pomeranian that followed her everywhere, decked out in a little dapper bow tie of his own and ridiculously spoiled beyond reason.

A teasing smile flitted across her face as she winked at him, and motioned for him to head out. “Go ahead love, get your boy and enjoy the night. But not too much, we’re back tomorrow at 8:00am, Grand Central for the travel shoot. If you’re early, I’ll let you take the photos since I don’t think my back can do another day like this.”

“What wait? Really? You’ll let me shoot? Is that...okay? I mean, they’re paying for your skills and name, and I’m still a rookie,” Jaehyun questioned, pausing from where he was twisting the collapsible reflective screen in his hands in a feeble attempt to fold it back into a reasonable size. His mouth hung open, looking over the beaming woman.

“It’s time, I think. You’re ready and you need to start building your own portfolio more. Besides….you haven’t spent the last half a year running coffee, cleaning my dog’s shit, and midnight exhibit printing runs for nothing, you know. Now get out of here and be early tomorrow. Or I’ll let the new kid take the photos instead. That boy looks like he knows how to handle heavy equipment, if you know what I mean. What was his name again?”

“Uh….Johnny-something? I remember you said you liked his name cause it sounded traditionally dapper,” Jaehyun said, wracking his brain to remember the last name but honestly, he hadn’t paid the boy much attention. He tended to do the most awkward things, like mimicking a parrot or breaking into song randomly. Not to mention he had this lisp that was really quite amusing in an adorable way, and Jaehyun found it challenging to not burst into laughter every time the other spoke. “Anyway, thank you again, Birdie. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Yeah, yeah, just go before I change my mind!” She chuckled under her breath as the boy darted off down the path, tripping over his own feet in the rush to escape. “Ah, young love.”

*****

“I really liked that one! The songs were really good. Plus, Jefferson Mays was completely hilarious in it!” Taeyong rambled, walking down the street with his arm linked through Jaehyun’s. The play had been quite entertaining, an enjoyable comedy about a man trying to take his family’s inheritance. It had only been open a few short weeks but the reviews were glowing and Taeyong had a strong feeling it would win an award this year. “What should we do next?”

“It’s your birthday, babe. We can do whatever you want,” answered Jaehyun. He leaned down to plant a kiss against Taeyong’s hair, currently in some vibrant shade of green he still didn’t care for. But the color made Taeyong happy, and Jaehyun would do anything to keep his love content, even if it was hair the Joker would be jealous of. He smiled at the thought of Taeyong dressing up for Halloween, wondering if he would keep the same color until fall. “Do you want to visit a cafe or get some dessert?”

“We can get it to go and take it back home. You had a long day and have been spoiling me all night.” 

Jaehyun chuckled as he pulled Taeyong in for a hug, wrapping his arms around the shorter man’s neck. They stood like that for a brief moment, just together in each other’s hold before Jaehyun leaned back to cup Taeyong’s cheeks between his hands and kiss the tip of his nose. “I always spoil you, and when we get home, I’ll just spoil you even more.”

Taeyong’s groomed eyebrow arched, mischief in his eyes as he smirked. His grip at Jaehyun’s side tightened as he pulled himself to press their lips together, eager and seeking more. Taeyong followed the curve of Jaehyun’s jaw to his ear, voice dropping deeper as he whispered against him. “What did you have planned then?”

The low bass of Taeyong’s voice made Jaehyun shudder, fingers digging into Taeyong’s waist. The space between was growing more bold, more heated as they both knew where the night would be headed, and honestly, making love to his boyfriend was one of Jaehyun’s favorite things in the world. There was a way in which Taeyong always would beg for more, whine and moan his name that Jaehyun could never get enough of. He could drown himself in the sound and the feeling of Taeyong around him. He groaned as Taeyong’s hand was sliding down his chest, lingering just above his waistline. “Whatever you want babe, I just want to you to enjoy tonight, today is about you.” 

“Alright then, let’s just skip dessert and go home.” Taeyong’s breath tickled the small space between his ear and neck and Jaehyun nodded. 

The taxi ride home was never uneventful, and Jaehyun had long learned that when Taeyong wanted something, he would end up getting it. Timing was nothing for him, and the idea of patience was beyond his comprehension. There were many things that Jaehyun loved about his boyfriend, and the fact that Taeyong was almost insatiable when it came to sex drove him wild. On more than a handful of occasions, Taeyong would have Jaehyun on the verge of coming, without even leaving the cab and this time was no different.

They were pressed close together in the back seat, Taeyong’s hand down his pants jerking his cock, hidden under the jacket in his lap. Jaehyun stifled a moan through gritted teeth, his eyes locked onto Taeyong. The other bit his lip, watching every expression Jaehyun made, sliding his hand up and down the shaft. The driver had paid them no mind, ignoring the two boys in the back of the cab. He had closed the window partition and kept his music blasting as they drove down Park Ave. If he heard or saw anything, he didn’t let it show on his face, remaining ignorant of the activities behind him.

“Tae, you better stop,” Jaehyun whined, keeping his voice down as best as he could. He grasped Taeyong’s wrist to still his movements, the feeling of smooth hands wrapped around, pumping his cock causing the heat to rise in his gut. “We’re almost home, just wait.”

“I hate waiting. You know I can’t wait for you to fuck me,” Taeyong urged. He pressed his chest against Jaehyun’s arm, his free hand playing with the tiny hairs at the base of his lover’s neck. He let out a puff of air against the bottom of Jaehyun’s ear, nipping at the skin. Taeyong increased the pressure and Jaehyun moaned, chewing his lip and covering his mouth as the sound slipped past. “I love watching you unwind and melt in my hands.”

It would have been embarrassing, coming in his pants like a teenager on the first date. However, Jaehyun gave no fucks as he felt himself spilling out, coating Taeyong’s fingers. He watched as Taeyong grinned, pulling his hand out and glanced down at the mess covering it. There was nothing subtle about the way Taeyong made a display of wrapping his tongue and lips around his fingers, sucking the clear fluids from them. Jaehyun shifted uncomfortably in his wet pants and boxers, sticking to his thighs as he buttoned his jeans. “Shower first. Then I’m going to fuck you so hard you can’t walk tomorrow.”

An hour later, steam fogged the large marble bathroom, ambient lights set to ‘relaxation’ mode. Water sprayed out of the shower head, down Jaehyun’s back and shoulders as he was thrusting into Taeyong, chests pressed together. Both men moaned softly against each other's mouths, their breaths mixing together, Jaehyun supporting Taeyong’s weight against the shower wall. One arm was wrapped under his leg, his muscles flexing as he kept the strength to hold Taeyong’s small frame in place.

Taeyong moaned, obscene and loud, nails digging into Jaehyun’s back as fresh scratches gently broke the skin. His head leaned back against the shower tiles, away from the mist, droplets of water rolling down through green hair. Against his chest, he could feel his heart pounding with as much force as Jaehyun was pounding into him. His cock was aching, begging for release and he needed to come soon. “Jaehyun, please,” he whined.

Jaehyun had no other response than a string of expletives, losing himself in the feeling of Taeyong clenching down around him. Bracing himself against the tile wall with his forearm, he tightened his grip around the slender thigh, slick and wet from the warm water rippling down between their bodies. Jaehyun’s hips pulled back, letting his cock slid out before snapping back in. A hungry groan escaped past his lips, and his head fell forward onto Taeyong’s shoulder, making the older cry out. “God, you’re always so tight…”

“Jae...make me come..” Taeyong’s lips latched onto the long expanse of Jaehyun’s neck, teeth scratching the smooth skin and sucking a bruise just above his collarbone. Reaching down between their bodies, Taeyong’s fingers wrapped around his cock, cum leaking from the tip. His wrist flicked up and down, stroking with with an urgent need for release. He watched Jaehyun, eyes heavy with lust and passion, as they pulled together in an open kiss. Taeyong felt like his chest was ready to burst, every cell in his body electrifying. With a choked gasp, he was coming, covering his stomach in white that was quickly washed away with the water.

Taeyong’s body shuddered as he rode out his high, grinding down on Jaehyun’s cock as the younger chanted his name between pants and moans. The heat enveloping him was incredible, tight and pleasurable and it made Jaehyun arch his back. He looked down at the whimpering mess beneath him, bangs plastered to his forehead and a bright flush to his cheeks, and his cock throbbed at the sight. Taeyong always took him so well, was made for taking him like this, so intense and intimate. Taeyong was watching him, their eyes locked together and Jaehyun couldn’t tear his gaze away. He began to thrust even harder, hips stuttering as his rhythm became less fluid and more erratic. “Fuck, Tae, I...I’m coming!”

A final hard push in and Jaehyun was pouring out for the second time that night. His eyes were clenched tight, panting as he slowly milked himself into Taeyong, hot cum filling him. Below him, he could feel Taeyong’s fingers running up and down the groove of his chest, the water rolling down the taut muscle, humming contentedly. As his orgasm trailed off, Jaehyun lowered Taeyong’s leg to the tile floor. He kept a protective grip around his waist, making sure the other was balanced before letting go. The other looked up to him, a weak smile on his face and pulled Jaehyun down to press their mouths together, soft and gentle. He chuckled, brushing their noses together before planting a chaste kiss to the tip. “I love you, Taeyong.”

“I know,” Taeyong replied. “Thank you for this.”

“Anything for you, my love,” Jaehyun said, reaching behind to turn off the water. He shook the water from his hair and grabbed a towel from beside the door. Helping Taeyong out of the shower, Jaehyun was quick to wrap him up in the plush towel, and a towel of his own around his waist. He guided Taeyong to the bedroom, their steps awkward as they waddled together towards the bed and Jaehyun sat Taeyong on the edge. “Here, I’ll go get your clothes.”

Taeyong let out a comfortable sigh, leaning back into the pile of pillows on the bed. Reaching for his phone, he scrolled through the messages he had missed from the last few hours. From the dresser, Jaehyun tossed him a pair of boxers before pulling his own on and taking the towel back to the bathroom. Taeyong followed his beautifully broad back, muscles flexing as he dried his hair before turning on the sink and the whirring of an electric toothbrush filled the bathroom. With Jaehyun distracted for a moment, Taeyong leaned back and dropped the towel. He snapped a quick selca, holding the phone at a distance away to get as much of his body into the frame as possible, just barely cropping his cock out of the photo.

He would send it to his viewers later when he had a free moment. But he tossed the towel to the floor and pulled the briefs over his thighs, and the thin tank top over his head. Stretching out under the blankets, he curled up on his side of the bed, waiting for Jaehyun to finish. He was typing a short message when Jaehyun came back, flopping down onto the bed next to him. 

Jaehyun slid his arm under Taeyong’s, pulling his body against him and nuzzling into his neck. He peppered soft kisses along Taeyong’s shoulder and back before he propped himself up on his arm. There was a smile on his face while fingers traced the length of Taeyong’s arm, drawing lazy circles and random shapes. “What are you up to, babe?”

“Ten sent me a birthday message. I didn’t get to see him today since I wasn’t at work,” Taeyong answered, tucking his phone under his chin. He glanced over his shoulder to see Jaehyun’s bright smile, dimples far too deep to escape beaming back at him. “I took a nice photo for you, you should check your phone. Not work safe though.”

“I’ll look later. I have the real thing right here in front of me.”

“Cheesy.”

“It's the queso, but you love me for it,” Jaehyun teased. “Happy birthday, Taeyong. I love you, more than anything.”

“Liar. You love photography more than me.”

“Never. Photography’s only purpose is to capture the most beautiful, wonderful, barbaric or woeful things in the world and preserve them for a brief moment frozen in time. Nothing before or after that photo matters, just the split fraction of a second in which the shutter closes is an entire story told. You are the thing I want to preserve forever, I want to keep every second together with you frozen in time,” Jaehyun replied, smooth and confident in his answer. Taeyong was his world, the most perfect vision he wanted to capture, an ethereal beauty not of this earth. Flawless.

Taeyong turned off his phone before setting it on the nightstand and rolled over to face him, burying his face against Jaehyun’s chest. Small patches of hair tickled his nose as he curled up into the warmth of Jaehyun, slotting his legs in between his boyfriend’s. He took a deep breath, inhaling the musky scent of body wash mixed with whatever minty cream Jaehyun used on his face before they went to sleep. It was an odd combination, but together it was safe and it was home, everything Taeyong loved about him. “Why are you so perfect, Jae? Everything you say or do….it makes me feel extraordinary. I don’t want to be without you.”

“You won’t, I’ll never leave you, babe. Sleep well. Goodnight,” mumbled Jaehyun. His eyes were drooping, weighed down by bliss and exhaustion and his voice slurred as he slowly succumbed to sleep. Taeyong sighed, kissing his forehead and letting himself drift off as well.

A soft buzz from the table echoed in the silence of the room, pulling Taeyong from the edge of slumber, the blue-green light bouncing off the walls. A second buzz caused Jaehyun to stir in his sleep, but he simply rolled over in bed with a grunt, unbothered. Taeyong grasped the phone and squinted in the night, eyes stinging from the harsh light. The preview showed a new message. “Looks sexy baby. Can’t wait to fuck that nice, tight ass this week. - 10.”

*****

Fourth of July was a pointless holiday. Jaehyun actually hated it, the unnecessary loudness and drunken insanity the city would become. Yet here he was, outside on some rooftop bar with Lucas, Doyoung, and Jungwoo, watching the cars swerving through traffic down below from the 14th floor. The view was really quite beautiful, overlooking Central Park and the Manhattan skyline. From here they would be able to see some of the fireworks to the west and avoid the crowds. It was thanks to Jungwoo and his bartender connections that they were even able to get in, as the bar was one of the most popular in the city.

Jaehyun sipped at the swanky cocktail in his hand, a traditional rye whiskey on the rocks that he didn’t even ask Jungwoo to order for him, but was given upon arrival. Jaehyun could appreciate the vanilla-citrus scent, smooth and creamy flavor with a sweet and traces of cinnamon finish. But he was simple and preferred the elegance of a good, locally brewed beer instead. This was almost out of his league, stifling uncomfortable in the scale of luxury. 

“Where is Taeyong tonight, Jae?” Jungwoo asked, perched on Doyoung’s lap. Even now, a few rounds into their drinks, Jungwoo held himself perfectly erect, back tall and shoulders back. It might have also been how his arm was slung around Doyoung’s neck, using the older to support himself as he took a long sip from his martini. His eyes drifted over to Lucas, standing near the bar and talking to a waitress filling her tray, a glance both Doyoung and Jaehyun noticed.

Doyoung snickered and tightened his grip around Jungwoo’s waist, whispering something against his ear that sent a shudder through the younger’s body. Jaehyun had no idea how the two kept up with each other, the couple was endlessly restless. Many occasions they had slipped out of parties early, and it was partially why Jaehyun agreed it was time to move out after the third time walking in on them in a week. He thought of his own boyfriend, who was just as eager to please. “Working. He had a gig booked, on a ferry cruise on the river. High end, good pay, a few hours in hot shorts and body glitter.”

“You sound jealous,” Doyoung teased, his fingers grasping the base of Jungwoo’s neck. 

“Eh, it’s a job and he likes it. I’m not jealous, I just worry when he gets home late. You know how the city can be and Taeyong…I just get concerned.” If Jaehyun had to be honest, he hated some of the jobs Taeyong took, especially at night. The man deserved to be in the middle of Fashion Week, strutting down the runway like he owned the world, visually striking and alluring from every angle, with his sharp, defined features. It was why Jaehyun loved taking his photos, there was so much beauty there and the world needed to bask in it.

Doyoung gave an assenting hum, a fleeting arch of his brow, before he looked over at Jungwoo, again watching Lucas with teeth chewing on his lower lip. “Go talk to him, babe. He likes you more.”

Jaehyun looked between the two men across from him, always intrigued about the dynamics of their relationship. They were quite in love with each other, the way Jungwoo obsessed over everything Doyoung said or did. Or in the way the older would melt the instant Jungwoo pouted when he wanted something, pulling out the cutes of faces and poses which would cause one to question the level of innocence. Yet they weren’t exclusive, and would often hook up with others while out. It was strange and a little uncomfortable at times to watch how easily Jungwoo would attach himself to someone else. However, Doyoung accepted and loved watching. Jungwoo smiled at Doyoung like he was the only thing in the world, before kissing him and sliding from his lap to saunter over to Lucas.

“He’s been interested in Lucas for a while,” Doyoung said. He leaned back on the couch, running a hand through his hair and swirling the glass of brandy around in the other. There was a way in which he observed Jaehyun’s reaction that was slightly unnerving, but with a tick of his head, continued. “Jungwoo’s worried though, since Lucas has always been fairly...straight.”

“Fairly?” Jaehyun repeated, chuckling as he watched Jungwoo link his arm around Lucas’s and lean in, their heads close together. “I always figured he was 100% on the straight and narrow.”

“Eh, more like 60%. He begged Jungwoo to suck him off during the New Years Eve party after too many shots of tequila. Jungwoo was more than happy to do it, but Lucas didn’t mention it after that and Woo’s afraid to chase him off.”

Across the bar, there was a raucous laugh, one that would only belong to Lucas. Even from where Jaehyun and Doyoung sat, they could see the flush of red across his face, the way his hands covered his mouth in embarrassment. He was staring, wide-eyed and grinning like a child on Christmas, at Jungwoo. Jungwoo leaned in one more time to speak before returning to the table. Lucas remained at the bar and ordered another drink, chugging it down and watching Jungwoo with far more interest and curiosity than before.

“Maybe next time. Ready, Doki?” Jungwoo conceded, leaning over Doyoung’s lap to take his lips between his own - needy, wet and sensual. He made sure that his ass was facing the bar, tauntingly wiggling in the air through his tight skinny jeans. With a sideways glance, the two men locked gazes with Lucas, who blushed even more than before and quickly turning away to call for yet another drink. He shifted his weight, adjusting what Jaehyun would only assume was a growing hard-on before taking his drink and rushing in the direction of the bathroom. “God, I can’t want to ride that man’s dick.”

“You can ride mine tonight, babe. Let’s go. You staying Jae?” Doyoung stood, pulling Jungwoo to his side. 

“I’ll wait for Lucas, plus Taeyong isn’t home for a couple more hours. Have fun,” Jaehyun toasted, raising his glass to the couple. They waved and headed towards the elevators, leaving Jaehyun alone on the balcony. He emptied his glass and glanced at his phone, a new text from Taeyong, and he grinned, opening their chat. A selfie of Taeyong in the mirror, showing off his ‘work uniform’ of silver hot pants and a little American flag bow tie, blowing a kiss with a V pose. Red, white and blue glitter was painted over his body, and he looked gorgeous. Jaehyun finished his own drink and went over to the bar, waving the bartender over. 

Beside him, he felt a person slide into the seat and lean over into his space. Too small to be Lucas, and Doyoung and Jungwoo were far too interested in getting home to bother coming back. But Jaehyun wasn’t rude and glanced over, noticing the smaller frame and feminine features. She would be considered pretty, with large eyes and curls of chestnut hair, and tiny upturned nose. She was bold and he appreciated her confidence as her hand reached forward and wrapped around his arm. “Hey there, I saw your friends all leave. Looking for company?”

“I don’t think my boyfriend would approve.” 

She smiled and quirked a perfectly sculpted brow to him with shrug. “Ah well, they do say all the good ones are either married or gay.”

“Try the guy near the balcony. I overheard him talking about some hotel he recently acquired and was planning to remodel, the Cortez or something? Sounds like a catch.”

The girl glanced over her shoulder at the man Jaehyun mentioned, talking to a group of well put together men, Armani suits and Gucci ties on display. “Good taste, thanks for the tip. Have another drink on me,” she responded, motioning to the bartender. Her curiosity got the best of her, emerald green eyes raking up and down Jaehyun’s build, long legs and down to his lap with a chuckle. “Your boyfriend is quite blessed.”

At that moment, Lucas returned and flopped down next to Jaehyun, looking much less stressed yet significantly more confused. The girl took that as her cue to leave and disappeared into the crowd, searching for her more promising catch of the night. Jaehyun let out an amused chortle, patting Lucas on the back as he turned to his perplexed friend. “Well, you know, it’s not the end of the world to be gay.”

Lucas shouted across the bar, calling for the bartender to bring him two shots of whatever. He slammed them back in quick succession, one after the other and chasing it with what was left of Jaehyun’s drink. Jaehyun shook his head ordering another for himself while Lucas mumbled incoherently under his breath, pulling out his phone. Another message from Taeyong had come in, this time with boyfriend sitting on a bench or some sort, the angle low to show off his chest and pelvic bone. Jaehyun bit his lip, used to the fact Taeyong loved showing himself off and sending him photos while working. 

“Hey, Jaehyunnie….” Lucas groaned, letting his head fall on the older man’s shoulder, glancing at the phone. “Oh Taeyongie! He’s so pretty.”

“Yep, and he’s mine. Go get your own.” Jaehyun shrugged Lucas’s head off of him, pushing him to the side as the other just rolled over, head resting on the cool glass of the countertop. He let Lucas rest for a minute while finishing his drink, before standing and slapping Lucas on the back. “Hey man, let’s go. You’ve got a lot to think about and I have work.” 

The tall model nodded and grabbed his jacket. Why he wore a leather jacket in the middle of summer was beyond Jaehyun’s reasoning, but he helped to steady Lucas on his wobbly legs, needing a moment to collect and orient himself. A brief second and they were faltering towards the exit with Jaehyun leading the way, Lucas scratching his head as he followed behind. 

“Hey man, weird question - you guys gonna upload more sex videos? Not gonna lie, Taeyong looked pretty hot sucking you off in the one last week,” Lucas asked, his voice sheepish and slightly slurred as he staggered. “I never thought you guys would be into camming, but it’s all good, man.”

But Jaehyun just stopped midstep, hand against the wall to steady himself from falling. The music was thrumming in his ears, the entire bar far too loud yet at that moment, Jaehyun could have heard a pin drop. Everything around him became a fuzzy haze, not just from the alcohol in his system, but the world itself slowing to a crawl. The hairs on the back of his neck rose up and Jaehyun whipped back around, his gaze sharp and narrow. “What?”

Confusion marred the younger boy’s face, eyes wide and mouth agape as if the question had been too difficult for him to comprehend in his current state. “You know? The site you guys cam on? Jungwoo and Doyoung showed me a while back. I kinda starting following…’cause you know, supporting my friends and all…” Lucas trailed off as Jaehyun closed the distance between them to grab him by the collar of his shirt, fists gripping the plaid fabric. 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Jaehyun shouted, pushing the taller, and much bigger man back against the wall with a surprising strength he didn’t think he had. The words were ringing in his ears but he hoped he had heard wrong...There was no way...

“I….Jesus, Jae. I…,” Lucas stammered as he tried to pull Jaehyun’s hands free, a nervous laughter trying to ease the mood. “Jungwoo told me he saw a video on some site, and that was definitely Taeyong, 'cause of the hair, and you guys were uploading every week….oh...oh shit! Wait, fuck man, it’s...not you, is it?”

Jaehyun felt the wind knock out of his lungs, an invisible pressure against his chest weighing him down. Everything for the last year...Taeyong had kept hidden from him and here he was, being told by one of his best friends that his boyfriend was a camboy on some site. Not only was he camming and showing himself off to others - that part Jaehyun could live with - but the problem was Taeyong camming with someone else. Somebody else was fucking his boyfriend, his lover, and that brought Jaehyun’s blood to a boil.

He dropped to the floor, subconsciously realizing how drunk he must have looked, and Lucas was above him, trying to help pull him up. Jaehyun heard nothing, drowning out all of the noise around him and his eyes spacing out as he just sat there trying to make sense of it. In his pocket, he could feel his phone vibrating, a string of new messages coming in and it was burning through his pants like a metal brand. Shaking, he reached for his phone and glanced at the lock screen, Taeyong’s beautiful face on the background, floating in the pool with those ridiculous martini-shaped glasses on his head. He opened the message.

“Hey babe! Headed home soon! We finished early. Stay awake for me~! - TY”

Jaehyun broke like a dam, the twisting pain in his chest. He didn’t even notice when Lucas finally dragged him from the floor and down the stairs to the curbside. Nor did Jaehyun notice when he hunched over and hurled up everything from the last few hours, mostly whiskey and beer with water, the sour acidity lingering in his mouth.

*****

He stayed at Lucas’s apartment that night, not bothering to go home and face Taeyong just yet. Jaehyun wasn’t sure he was ready to bring up the topic, but he also didn’t want to avoid it forever. He had sent a message to TY telling him he was unable to get home from partying too much and would crash with Lucas, before shutting off his phone and not waiting for a reply. Lucas had pulled up the site on his laptop for him, opening up to Taeyong’s profile for Jaehyun to see for himself what had been happening.

The statistics were almost overwhelming, as Taeyong was labeled as a top contributor to the camming community. Roughly 675,000 subscribers, millions of views, and a five-star rating. There were hundreds of videos, uploaded almost every other day. Some were solo cams, or videos of him in the shower. There were photos, some with his regular daily look, some photos he had taken himself...including the one Taeyong had sent to Jaehyun’s phone after his birthday. Some of the photos and videos were with the partner, a co-contributor BDSMHero. Jaehyun couldn’t recognize who it was, since it was always Taeyong on the camera, never the other person’s face. 

The Taeyong in the videos was...different, not bad or wrong, just not the same. More unfiltered and aggressive than how Jaehyun was used to seeing him. This Taeyong was more submissive, and his partner was far more dominant and harder than Jaehyun. There were things in the videos that even Jaehyun was surprised to see, more kinky than their level of sex life and for a moment, he wondered if this is why Taeyong cammed. Maybe he wasn’t good enough and Taeyong needed to get his satisfaction elsewhere. It was painful, watching the love of his life have sex with someone else, something that should have been reserved just for him and the privacy of their relationship. 

He stopped by the apartment briefly in the morning, after Taeyong had texted him before going to work. It felt off for the first time, the air tainted unlike home but a farce, a stage for a play and he was the fool. Everything was the same, in its place as Taeyong was meticulous and kept the apartment in pristine condition, constantly cleaning. Yet for the first time, Jaehyun noticed the placement of Taeyong’s laptop on the desk across from the bed, and he noticed the camera sitting on the floor next to it. Taeyong had told him before that he did modeling work, and only now he realized exactly what kind of work it was. 

“Yeah, babe...I’ll be home late tonight. I’ve got to finish working on this project for Jenkinson,” Jaehyun lied, doing everything to keep his voice steady. He avoided Taeyong’s messages most of the day and waited until after dinner to reply, using the excuse that he forgot his charger and Lucas’s didn’t fit his phone. He could hear an ironic disappointment in Taeyong’s sigh as he spoke. “I’m waiting for Doyoung to get off from work and then we’re going to one of the theaters.”

In reality, Doyoung had told him to come over for the night, to clear his mind but Jaehyun just wanted to talk to Taeyong, to figure out what the hell was going on. His emotions were a veritable train wreck, all over the place and conflicted in how to handle this situation. Avoiding it was pointless, but what would happen if he asked about it? Even now, Doyoung was sitting on the couch, scrolling through Twitter while Jungwoo flitted about the kitchen. Both of them gave Jaehyun space as he paced about the living room, circling the couch like a vulture.

“Ah, that’s okay ..I have some homework to finish here anyways. I’ll just order food for us so you’ll have something warm when you get home. Do you know about what time you’ll be home then?” Taeyong was shuffling around on the other side of the line. Jaehyun could perfectly envision how he was sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen in the sweater Taeyong stole from him over winter vacation, no doubt lacking pants or shorts aside from his briefs.

“I’m not sure but probably 12:30, or so. A few hours. We messed up the portfolio and need to reshoot some of the night scenes so we might be out late. I’ll call you when I am on the way back to the apartment.” Again, the guilt of his lies tugged at Jaehyun as he did the one thing he promised he never would have done to Taeyong. Lie or hurt him. Yet here he was about to do both in such a short period of time. He packed his bag and shoved the books inside, not really sure of why he would need them, as he nestled the phone between his shoulder and cheek. To his side, he glanced at Doyoung, who offered no other comfort than to shake his head and shrug, eyebrows raised.

Through the phone, he could hear it. Or perhaps he was just imagining it, but there was a minor shift in their conversation. Something from what would have otherwise been a menial, pointless conversation to the unspoken, denied truth between them running through the static on the other side. Taeyong sighed through the receiver. “Why you took Jenkinson again is beyond me. She’s such a demanding bitch. Anyways, stay safe and have fun with Doyoung. I’ll see you when you get home babe. Love you!”

Before Jaehyun could even respond or return the sentiment, the line cut off and Taeyong was gone. Jaehyun let his hand drop to side as he flopped down on the couch next to Doyoung. His eyes were stinging and he could feel heat simmering in his face and ears as he fought back the urge to scream and yell. Inside, his heart was furious preparing for war – ready to fight for his lover and yet prepared for the onslaught of unbridled anger and fury. In the kitchen, he could hear Jungwoo preparing a pot of coffee and getting plates and he loathed the domesticated bliss around him. “He’s going to call him, isn’t he?”  
Doyoung leaned over to rest his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, and he could feel the younger shaking, fists balled as he gripped the legs of his pants. He pulled the boy closer and wrapped Jaehyun in a blanket, catching Jungwoo’s eye as his boyfriend set three cups of coffee on the table and a small tray of muffins. Jungwoo took a seat on the floor next to their legs, placing a warm hand on Jaehyun’s knee in comfort. There was an exchange of looks between the couple, and Jungwoo exhaled to steel himself. 

“I don’t know, Jae, it’s possible? When I looked back, it’s only ever been the same person. Not that I was trying to watch….I just..sorry, that came out wrong. I mean..I noticed the same tattoo every time and it looks like it’s always been the same person. That’s why I thought it was you but you were hiding your face for your job. But I didn’t think you had any ink done so I was confused and asked Doyoung and Lucas. I knew Taeyong mentioned he modeled so I figured he didn’t care about being seen but you were covering yourself.” 

“Why would he do this though?” Jaehyun forced himself to swallow his emotions, pushing them back to ignore the feelings he was fighting. And yet with two of his closest friends on either side, their efforts to console him were in vain. 

“I wish I knew...I’m so sorry you found out like this. What are you going to do?” Doyoung regretted that he had nothing more to say to Jaehyun, and instead just watched the emotional struggle the older was going through. There was a span of a few seconds in which silence surrounded them before Jaehyun let out a deep breath.

“Wait a bit. I’ll go home in a few,” he answered, looking to the ceiling and watching the blades of the fan spin. Another look moved between Doyoung and Jungwoo, and Jaehyun nodded. “I need to see him, to talk to him. I gotta know who he’s with. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions.”

*****

It was unusual, the way Jaehyun hadn’t come back after drinking over the holiday but Taeyong didn’t think much of it. Instead, he thought of his own actions, and the dilemma he was in, caught between two men he loved. Outside, the summer night air was humid, but being high above the city offered a slight breeze that blew through his green hair. Jaehyun hated his hair this color, and Taeyong considered dying it red, a color he knew Jaehyun loved on him. He kept his body tucked under himself, a small ball huddled together when the balcony door slid open and he could hear the footsteps approaching behind him.

“Taeyongie,” Ten mused, letting out a sad sigh, placing a hand on the older’s shoulder with a soft squeeze. He looked over the balcony at the streets below, cars moving in a streak of red and white lights, the sound of honks blaring up into the apartment. A river of guilt ran through him, and he genuinely felt bad for Jaehyun, knowing that he was blissfully unaware of what happened after he would leave for work. Taeyong had called him a little over an hour ago, wanting to talk and here they were, with no words being exchanged. A cycle they had gone through repeatedly, with the same result every time - Taeyong crying over Jaehyun yet begging for Ten to fuck him. He leaned back against the railing, elbows resting on the cool metal as he observed Taeyong.

“Tae, I’ve watched you since you first started camming. What? Almost 6 years ago now? And last year after you started dating Jaehyun, you came to me. Crying and looking like a hot fucking mess, and you asked me if you should tell him what you really did. You said you were afraid of how he would react if you were honest with him. That’s when I told you I was BDSMHero, because you deserve to know the truth. We ended up hooking up in the back of the coffee shop, and we’ve been doing it every other week since then...it’s not fair to him...you need to tell him.”

Taeyong shook his head, pulling his hoodie tighter around himself as he drew his knees up under his chin. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, burning in the night air, and he could feel the tears coming. He desperately tried to convince himself that he really did want to stop camming, wanted to stop seeing Ten, because Jaehyun deserved better. Yet denying himself what he enjoyed would ultimately just cause more pain, and Taeyong knew he couldn’t find it to decide between Ten and Jaehyun.

If he was honest with himself, he would admit that he truly did love Jaehyun, every bit as much as he loved Ten. The overwhelming affection, and love he held for both of them. Uniquely different and completely equal, he loved them both in his own way. Jaehyun was the strength and foundation of his life, the constant pillar of devotion and adoration, and Ten was the fresh spring after the rain – sweet, exotic and exhilarating. Jaehyun was soft and supportive, caring and gentle, methodical in every caress and gesture. Ten was the rough, hard unbridled lustful love that catered to Taeyong’s more animalistic nature. He craved and hungered for both, the necessity for both aspects of him to be satiated. And Jaehyun was so painfully traditional that he would never see things from Taeyong’s point of view, the idea of being open and sharing that love between others.

“How, Ten? How do I explain...this? All of this?” Taeyong’s hand moved in between them, and he felt his body betraying him as the tears started down his cheeks. “I love him, Ten….I love you, too. But he’d make me chose. He’d make me stop camming. I-I can’t, I love it too. It’s who I am.”

Ten glanced to the side, dark wet eyes meeting his own. Redness tinged the edges, Taeyong’s face flushed as he fought back the tears threatening to fall harder. Ten was lost, and Taeyong was the broken compass he was using to find his way. Reaching forward, he pushed the loose strands of green hair back behind Taeyong’s ear, cupping his cheek in his hand. He toyed with the pierced lobe and the silver earring dangling from it. The space between them closed as he stood straight, pulling his lover from the bench, and pressing their mouths together in a soft kiss. 

“Tae, if he forces you to stop doing what you love, then he doesn’t really love you for you. If he can’t accept all parts of you, then he doesn’t deserve your love,” he whispered, lips brushing against Taeyong’s as he spoke, breath warm on the skin. “Talk to him.”

“Later. Right now, I...I don’t want to think about it. Just stay with me.” Taeyong’s fingers wrapped into the fabric of Ten’s shirt, silver silk moving between them as he pulled the younger into the bedroom. Despite tears streaking down his face, he still desperately craved the attention, the need for Ten to be a part of him. Jaehyun truly did deserve better, but Taeyong was never one to think rationally, always following whatever he wanted. And at this moment, he wanted Ten to take care of him.

*****

The walk from the subway to the apartment seemed to drag on impossibly slow, and Jaehyun thought about calling Lucas or Doyoung to pick him up but he managed to find himself outside of their building. He stood outside of the 30-story high-rise, looming over him and he felt irrelevant standing in the streetlight shadows. The elevator was empty when he entered, the annoying jingle pumping through the static-filled speakers. Jaehyun leaned back against the railing, watching the ceiling and preparing himself to face Taeyong.

He stood outside of the doorway, in the hall, staring at the keypad as if he forgot the number but the code was actually quite easy - their birthdays and the day they started dating. 0114409. There was a wave of regret that washed over him in coming over unannounced, from the moment he walked over the threshold and immediately knew. The lights were all set to a low dim, orange and yellow. A bottle of a dark red wine sat on the kitchen counter, two stained glasses emptied. A red suede jacket that didn’t belong to him, a pair of black boots in the foyer.

And the moaning. He knew those sounds, and a for a moment he considered just turning to leave. Part of him subconsciously knew he would come home to this, not unexpected in the least. Yet Jaehyun had hoped he would have been wrong and that he could have had more time to sort everything out. His curiosity pulled him to the bedroom, dragging himself closer and the sounds of skin slapping against each other grew louder. 

Jaehyun swallowed a sob, the back of his hand pressed against his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut. A thin shred of light pooled through a crack in the door, slightly ajar and he crept over, needing to see it for himself. He had expected this, but being in the room while it was happening was entirely different, and the swelling of emotions threatened to overpower him. He watched, dissociating himself from the view in front of him, as Ten fucked into Taeyong, falling apart under him. Across his left hip, a white tiger in front of a tree of yellow hanging flowers, stemming from the Ouroboros. 

Taeyong’s face was flushed, beads of sweat glistening down his arm and back, moaning against the bed. Ten pushed the older into the mattress, a firm hand against the center of his back while grasping the other for more leverage. He was in control, but Jaehyun could his composure slipping as he dug his fingers into Taeyong’s hip.

He wasn’t embarrassed to be watching them, he was actually fascinated by the sheer difference in who they were, especially Taeyong. Jaehyun knew every sound, every twitch, and expression Taeyong could make when they were together. He knew the exact feeling of having Taeyong’s body around him, of being in him, the way he tasted when they kissed. Yet there was something so entrancing as Ten and Taeyong moaned and moved together as one, desperately seeking the same end. He could see why they were so successful in their videos.

But it still didn't do anything for him what it might do for others. This was his Taeyong, his boyfriend and the love of his life. And here was Ten, leaning over Taeyong’s back as he breathed his name, hand sliding up to reach around Taeyong’s neck and pull their bodies flush against each other. His hand compressed around Taeyong’s throat, the pressure against it causing Taeyong to gasp as his eyes fluttered shut. Every one of Ten’s thrusts brought another beautiful sound from him, Taeyong whined with anticipation. “C...come...please...can I?” He choked out his words, his voice sore and raspy.

"God you’re such a needy bitch," Ten panted as he thrust hard into Taeyong, slamming into his prostate and ripping a loud groan from the older. Taeyong took a hold of the back of Ten’s head, burying his fingers into the dark hair as he arched his back. Shaking his head, Taeyong let it roll back onto Ten’s shoulder as a breath shuddered through his lungs as Ten’s grip loosened. The sudden rush of oxygen had Taeyong falling over the edge, coming untouched as Ten bit into the curve of his neck, fucking him through completion. 

Jaehyun could still do nothing more than watch. His gaze never left the sliver of a window he had into their world, eyes wide and wet as he fought back the urge to break down and cry. A beautiful train wreck of intimacy and unbridled lust, passion and he couldn’t look away. His feet kept him rooted to the spot just outside of the bedroom, the other two oblivious to him.

Ten’s brows pulled together, groaning as Taeyong clenched around him, his lips open as he panted into his back. His hips slammed into him, against the soft curve of Taeyong’s ass, his movements with less fluidity and precision than before as he sought his own orgasm. A few sloppy thrusts later and he was coming inside with a moan of Taeyong’s name. Tension drained from his body as he slumped back onto his heels with Taeyong on his lap, their chests heaving as they slowly came down from their climaxes.

Through the wall, the panting subsided, the random mumblings and mutterings of Taeyong and Ten on the other side of the plaster. Jaehyun raised his head, trying to force the heat out of his cheeks and he gave himself two quick slaps on the face. He felt ashamed that he was somewhat turned on, watching and listening to his lover getting fucked by another man. But he was also livid and wanted to rip Ten’s dick off. Another deep breath and he counted to 20 before he hesitantly pushed open the door.

A whirlwind of things happened. Taeyong let out a series of curses and ripped himself out of Ten’s embrace on the bed. Ten jumped to his feet, turning to search for his clothes, Taeyong standing between them as his boyfriend slowly stepped into the room. 

“Jae, I can explain…..,” Taeyong started, voice faltering under Jaehyun’s furious gaze. He felt small, vulnerable, both mentally and physically, exposed and ashamed in his nakedness. Jaehyun stood over him, silent and dominant, an unspoken disappointment radiating from every inch of him. Taeyong almost preferred to see his anger, wanted him to lash out and scream and yell. But that was far from Jaehyun’s personality, always the one who stayed level-headed when there was a problem. “I-It’s not what you think.”

“No? I think it’s exactly what I think – you’re a camboy, you’ve been sleeping with Ten for God knows how long, and you’ve been lying to me since...what? Before we even got together? That’s not what this is?” Jaehyun shook his head, hands waving at the messy bed behind Taeyong, with Ten still working with haste to pull his clothes back on. Silence filled the room, the suffocating tension lingering between the three men. Jaehyun crossed his arms, head cocked to one side as he leaned back against the dresser. “Tell me, what am I missing, Tae?”

“It’s not that simple. I – I don’t know how to explain it, it’s...complicated.” Every version of this conversation Taeyong had rehearsed and prepared in his mind was gone. Despite the number of times he thought about having this very talk, everything he wanted to say was drawing a blank. Taeyong almost whimpered as he slipped into a nearby pair of sweats, watching Jaehyun turn his back and walk away from the door. He rushed towards the hall, trailing behind him into the living room with Ten following. “Jaehyunie! Wait, listen!”

Jaehyun yanked the door open, his hands and arms shaking as he shot a threatening glare towards Ten. He glanced over his shoulder to Taeyong, who was standing in the middle of the apartment, disheveled and distraught. Turning towards Jaehyun, Ten risked leaning closer to whisper to Jaehyun, grabbing his arm to stress his words. “Try to listen to him. He really does love you, you know.”

“Get the fuck out, Ten.” Raising his hands in defeat, Ten gave a final look at his lover with a short nod with Jaehyun slamming the door behind him. Jaehyun gripped the handle, his fingers losing their color from the strength of this hold. “Go shower, I’ll start coffee.” 

The harshness of Jaehyun’s tone made Taeyong wince, the disgust and repulsion. It broke him, more than he realized it would and the consequences of his actions were the needle that broke the haystack. Emotionally, he crumpled and sucked back a jagged breath, a painful weight on his chest restricting the air to his lungs. He nodded, head hanging in remorse and he dragged himself to the shower. In the mirror, he looked at himself for the first time, and his reflection stared back with so much repulsion. He cracked with a choked wail, and like a broken dam, the tears spilled over his cheeks.

The couch was cold, distant. Like the space between Taeyong’s form on the edge, knees tucked under his chin, gnawing on his thumb and Jaehyun’s, sitting across from him in the recliner, head in his hands, the heels of his palms pressing into his eyes. Cold like the coffee on the table, long forgotten in the hours since Ten left and the last words Jaehyun had spoken. There was nothing for either of them to say at the moment, but Taeyong wanted to say…..something, anything but the words were missing.

Taeyong’s eyes shifted to watch Jaehyun, picking bits of fuzz from his pants, to occupy his hands. The flesh around his nail bed was raw and sore from where he had been biting them. There was this haunting feeling that had plagued Taeyong for years, the terrifying idea no matter how much he trusted someone, that they would just leave him. Yet in the time since meeting Jaehyun, he had wanted to be a better person, honest and open, and he fucked it up. He knew it was wrong, all of the hidden secrets, double lives, half-truths and lies to avoid telling him about camming….about Ten. It was just that he never imagined that Jaehyun would have found out this way, and it completely backfired like throwing water on an oil fire.

 

The sudden breath that Jaehyun let out caused him to jump, the quick intake of air and heavy sigh as he straightened and stood from the chair. Taeyong leaned forward, his lip caught his teeth as he reached for Jaehyun’s hand, but the younger reeled back from his grasp as if he had been burned, shaking his head. “I’m going to bed...I’ll sleep in the study room tonight. I’m not the mood to deal with this right now...I’ll...see you.”

Taeyong felt the burning in his eyes, tears stinging as he spaced out and listened as Jaehyun’s footsteps shuffled towards the small office, a brief pause as the lights in the living room clicked off. He cocked his head to the side, a half-glance over his shoulder just as the door slammed shut, echoing throughout the apartment. He drew up himself into a tighter ball, arms wrapping around his legs, letting the tears flow freely. The guilt weighed down on him, and he felt his body falling to the side, the cold leather of the couch pressing against his face. Taeyong’s gaze fell to the clock on the cable box, the green light illuminating the dark space and he watched the minutes slowly turn, his mind pushing everything else to the side. At some point, he passed out from the exhaustion and that was the last thing he remembered.

Outside, the sounds of construction woke Taeyong from his sleep, as unpleasant as it had been. Soreness seeped through his bones, body tight and tense with stress and he wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep and never wake up. Of which he clearly remembered falling asleep in the living room, and it dawned on Taeyong that he was in their bed, fresh linens replacing the ones from the night before. The smell of detergent was wafting from the outside the bedroom, the cotton scent mixing with the harsh aroma of coffee through the small crack of the door. Jaehyun had been cleaning up the mess he made, as if nothing had happened. Always the patient one, even when he every right not to be. Taeyong felt the knife in his chest twist even tighter.

Dragging himself from the bed with a groan, he glanced out of the room to see Jaehyun’s back to him, the smell of breakfast hitting Taeyong. He couldn’t remember when he had eaten before last night, and his stomach let out a low growl that he hoped only he heard. “Come on...we can’t avoid this forever,” came Jaehyun’s voice, emotionless, not looking up from the stove where he was cooking. Taeyong hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath, watching the way Jaehyun’s back and broad shoulders flexed and tensed as he moved around the kitchen. Jaehyun turned as he scooped the eggs and toast onto the waiting plates, glancing at Taeyong, brow raising. “Are you just going to stand there?”

Taeyong shuffled across to the kitchen island, peeking at the mirror on the wall as he passed and he grimaced at the reflection looking back at him. His entire face was puffy in the early morning, the lack of decent sleep evident by the bags under his eyes and streaks of dried tears down his cheeks. His green hair protruding in every direction, one side matted down from where he had been sleeping. And yet by contrast, in front of him, Jaehyun looked perfect. Tired, strained, but perfectly flawless. Taeyong was unworthy of such a person in his life and he had completely fucked up.

The plate slid in front of him, as Jaehyun slipped into the seat across from him, digging into his own food without another word. Taeyong watched, his own food untouched, and Jaehyun noticed, slowing down as he chewed a piece of bacon. “You’re not going to eat anything either?”

“Why are you doing this?”

Jaehyun paused, looking down to the plate of food in front of him. His fork pushed around the bits of egg and avocado, stabbing the pink slices of meat. “Expecting something different? Would it be better if I was screaming and yelling at you? I’m not like that, Tae. It hurts but that won’t make it better. We need to talk about it, and I really want to understand what I did wrong.”

Taeyong scoffed, a half chuckle escaping his lips as he leaned back in his chair. “You did nothing wrong, Jae...it’s...complicated.”

“Then just tell me, what happened? How did it start?” Jaehyun glanced up from the table, not meeting Taeyong’s gaze, instead becoming increasingly interested in a faded water stain in the middle of the wooden top. He peered at the mark, the thin film tainting the otherwise clean surface. Unnoticeable at first, but when viewed from just the right angle, completely obvious….much like Taeyong and his camming. The apartment on his single budget alone, the wardrobe of clothes he always seemed to have, all from top designers and brands. The places he would offer to take Jaehyun to eat...it became so much clearer now.

Taeyong stared at the ceiling, the light above the table swaying slightly. He didn’t even remember how it started, it just...happened. “Around Halloween, I think? We were already together….you and I. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t figure out how. I went to Ten to ask him for advice on what to do.”

“And he suggested hooking up was a good way to tell me? Did you guys at least use protection every time?”

The vicious words hurt like a bullet through his chest, but Taeyong deserved the bitter sarcasm. He leaned forward over his food, hands picking at the edges of the toast, his appetite nonexistent. Eggs in a Hole, as Jaehyun called them, or Toads in a Basket as his mother had called it. It had been a favorite dish of his growing up, eggs topped with cheese and buried inside of a slice of toast. His mother must have told Jaehyun about them when she visited a few months prior.

“No, we didn’t but we both got tested every month. The first time was a mistake, and I started it, I made the first move. It shouldn’t have happened, but I felt....something towards Ten. He told me how he had been watching my cams since I started, and...I don’t know, I think I knew he was always there before.”

“When did you start camming? Why did you even start?” Jaehyun tried to piece all of it together, nodding absently to comprehend at all of the reasons why Taeyong had kept the camming from him in the first place.

“17, I think? I was young, I wanted money to leave Korea and move out on my own. It’s not exactly LGBT friendly there...”

“What are you even talking about? Your parents accepted it, they love you. Your mom and sister love me….wait, do they even know?” Taeyong’s eyes shot up, and for a brief moment, Jaehyun caught the flash of fear in them and suddenly, everything clicked. They had been together for over a year, Jaehyun had met Taeyong’s mother and sister multiple times…but never his father. Outside of the one time at the restaurant, Jaehyun had never met or spoken to Taeyong’s father, even over holidays. “...your dad. He doesn’t know you’re gay, does he?”

“Oh he knows, walked in on me riding my boyfriend one day when I was in high school. He chooses to act like I don’t exist, feigning ignorance about everything and my mom and sister don’t tell him anything. My parents have money, I don’t. Hence, the camming.”

“And Ten...he was the one you got caught with?”

At that Taeyong laughed, a weak smile on his face and the air lightened ever so. He shook his head and picked up a piece of bacon, folding it between his fingers, watching the grease coat them with an oily sheen. “God no. That was some kid a few years older than me, just experimenting, I think. Ten and I met at the cafe. I was on a shitty date with some asshole from the soccer team. Ten saw and knew I wanted out, so he pretended like we were friends and said my mom just called and that my grandmother was in the hospital. So I bailed. When I went back to thank him a week later, he pointed out they needed a new barista anyways and if I wanted, I could apply. I figured why not.”

Ten minutes and Jaehyun had learned more about Taeyong’s life than he had ever told him the last year about his past. Taeyong had never really liked to talk about it and Jaehyun was never one to push him. Sure, he had learned a little here and there, from watching and listening to everything he emphasized and did, picking up on even the smallest hints. He knew Taeyong didn’t talk to his father much, mostly because of the time difference and that his father tended to work longer hours anyways, one of the top surgeons in Korea. Taeyong’s mother was the one who pampered him the most, wanting everything for her son and she was his biggest champion, always encouraging him to do what he loved.

Jaehyun reached across the table to take Taeyong’s hand but stopped and let it fall to the table. “Okay,” he sighed. “But why did you never tell me any of this? You know I wouldn’t have been mad about the camming. Ten though...why Ten? What is he to you...”

The elephant in the room, they had finally come to address the actual problem, and Taeyong couldn’t avoid it a third time. Honesty, that’s what Jaehyun deserved and he knew that much. That’s what Ten told him to do, to be honest. Yet he was terrified of what honesty would do at this point, but did it really even matter? It was no longer a secret, and Jaehyun knew that they were sleeping together so pretending would only worsen the situation.

However the problem was that Taeyong really didn’t know what Ten was either, but at the very base, he was one thing. “A friend.”

“A friend…just a friend? It’s just casual sex then?” Jaehyun echoed, stressing the word to test its limits, getting to the root of it.

“No, not really.”

“Do you love him?” Silence answered Jaehyun’s question, and Taeyong didn’t need to say anything else for him to know it wasn’t that simple. Neither of them responded to anything for some time, a mere few minutes felt as though an eternity had passed before Jaehyun spoke again. He knew he couldn’t rush any judgment but he had to consider the next steps for them. “Okay, so what about us? What do we do? Do you want to end this?”

“What, no?! God, no! Jaehyun, Please, that’s not what I want!” Taeyong’s watery eyes shot up to meet Jaehyun’s and this time, he took Jaehyun’s hand in his own, squeezing tightly around the younger’s as if he would fade away. Although Taeyong felt despicable for what he did, he couldn’t lose Jaehyun - perfect loving Jaehyun who deserved the world and so much more. “I-fuck, I love you, okay? I don’t want to lose you, it’s just - I just….I think I love him too.”

The panic in Taeyong’s voice sent a small shock through Jaehyun as he let his head fall forward, stacking his free hand on top of the ones encompassing his other. He brushed his thumb over the back of Taeyong’s hand, so much smaller than his own, almost childlike in comparison. They were soft, but the bite marks and torn skin around the nails betrayed the level of anxiety that had plagued Taeyong the night before. Jaehyun puffed out his cheeks, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips. “So what do you want, Tae?”

“I want...,” Taeyong started, trying to find the way to say it. It would be greedy, selfish really beyond anything and it would be incredibly unfair however it was the one thing he honestly wanted. In his mind, it was the best thing for them, for all of them together and he at least wanted to see if the opportunity was possible for the best of both worlds. His voice dropped, soft and delicate, a faint whisper Jaehyun could barely make out.

“...what?”

The moisture would not return to his mouth, no matter how much Taeyong swallowed or tried. He pulled his hands free from the pile, retreating to his side of the table. “I said… I said I want both of you. To be with both of you.”

“You want...both of us? Like, an open relationship?”

“No, not like Doyoung and Jungwoo and how they are open. I mean, like...a closed relationship, with the three of us, instead of just two.”

“I see...so...polygamy?,” Jaehyun replied, shaking his head at the incredulous idea. His brows pulled together in a tight crease as he just mouthed incomplete words and thoughts. He could feel his mind running away, over-analyzing. He forced a deep breath, slowing his train of thought. “I-Tae, first of all, I am not a polygamist. Second, I don’t even like Ten like that. Hell, I barely like him at all, especially right now when all I want to do is punch his fucking face in so he’ll need another nose job. What makes you think polygamy would help anything?”

“I don’t know, but maybe...I don’t know, we can try it?” 

“I need time to think. You just asked a hell of a thing from me, and I don’t know if I can do that,” Jaehyun scoffed. He kept shaking his head, eyes searching Taeyong’s tear-stained face to find the logic in his ridiculous request. Sharing Taeyong with someone he couldn’t care less about, someone who he loosely considered a friend and had been fucking his boyfriend behind his back for the better part of a year now. “I...I can’t stay here right now. I’m going to crash with Doyoung and Jungwoo for a few days, I gotta think and get my head around all of...this. Give me some time on this, kay?”

Jaehyun stood and left the kitchen first, his plate of food cold and unappetizing on the table. Taeyong sat at the island, not moving from his seat as he listened to Jaehyun shuffled to the kitchen. He could hear the dresser drawers sliding open and closed, slamming back into place. All the time, he just listened and let himself absorb the energy of the room, the disappointment and blame heavy in the air. It wasn’t until he realized Jaehyun was standing beside him, that Taeyong looked up. There was nothing but an empty shell of Jaehyun looking back, all his usual energy and positivity gone. 

“A few days, Taeyong. I need...space. I love you, I want to save this but...I need to think.” He walks out, leaving Taeyong alone and scared. It made sense though, and Taeyong couldn’t blame Jaehyun’s reaction. He was far too considerate and patient to act rashly or jump to hasty decisions out of emotions, and that was one of many things he had always loved about Jaehyun. If Jaehyun needed space and time, Taeyong would give as much as he needed. The foundation of their relationship was shaky, cracked but not beyond repair. 

It took two weeks before Jaehyun had called, Taeyong answering on the first ring. They agreed to meet at the pier, down in Greenwich Village, a place that Jaehyun picked that worked for both of them. The park was clean and close to both apartments, and they had spent many nights out here on picnics with their friends. It was far enough removed from their daily lives to be considered neutral territory.

There were a few people in the park, mostly teenagers hanging out, riding skateboards around the ramps. Taeyong found Jaehyun on one of the benches overlooking the river, watching the ferries drifting along the river and the faded blare of their horns in the air. The moonlight created a beautiful glow on Jaehyun’s features, lost in his thoughts, gaze focused on the water. He turned to look Taeyong in the eyes after what seemed to be an eternity and motioned for Taeyong to join him on the bench. 

“You could have told me, you know, about the camming...I probably would have thought it was hot,” Jaehyun mused, looking away from Taeyong as he slid onto the seat next to him. Jaehyun braced himself for the conversation, the questions and answers he wished were easier. “I’ve...I’ve missed you, Tae.”

Taeyong’s pulse quickened, unsure if he should say something or wait for Jaehyun to finish. He hoped all the past few sleepless nights would have helped prepare him with something better to say, yet a simple sentence seemed impossible. What could he say to Jaehyun to make any difference? His mind began to spin, searching for the words he needed to say, instead letting his insecurities build up, the fear of abandonment rising. “I missed you too. It’s not your fault this happened Jaehyun. I’m just...” Taeyong trailed off, letting his hand in resignation as he turned to watch Jaehyun.

Jaehyun reached for Taeyong’s hand, and almost immediately, found their fingers intertwined. Taeyong’s hands were always so soft, delicate for a man and he loved it. He missed the feeling of them, in his own and on his body. It was reserved, almost virginal, how gently Jaehyun was handling Taeyong and it hurt to know that despite all the shit they just went through, Taeyong was still afraid to confide in him. But if there was one thing Jaehyun learned from this, it was the key to a successful relationship was to communicate. He didn’t hate Taeyong for cheating on him, he didn’t even really hate Ten. But he couldn’t lie to Taeyong again, he couldn’t pretend like he was okay with what Taeyong wanted and asked him. 

So he decided on honesty. With a light squeeze, Jaehyun lifted Taeyong’s hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss against the back of his palm. It’s a minor shift, but the air lightens and they relax a little more in each other’s presence. They grant each other a weak, testing chuckle between them, the first for either in two weeks and a sliver of hope of overcoming this, stronger than before. Jaehyun replied, “I love you Taeyong, I want to try again. But...I can’t do what you ask. I can’t agree to add Ten to our relationship. Are you going to okay if I ask you to stay with just one of us?”

“Yes, I’ll be okay,” Taeyong answered, and in his head, meant what he said, and believed it would work. He gave Jaehyun a weak smile, sadness tinted his eyes but he agreed nonetheless. “So let’s keep going. You and me, against the world. No one else.”

*****

On the nightstand, a low buzzing vibrated through the wood as the screen lit up on Taeyong’s phone. A photo of the two of them on vacation in Colorado but Jaehyun didn’t have to look at the screen to know who was messaging him. He shook his head, disappointment seeping through his body as he looked to the window. Of all days, why today….he wished it had been any other day. His jaw clenched as he let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, but why Jaehyun ever held his breath with Taeyong, he’ll never understand.

He had spent the last four years cultivating the best photos for this exhibit and had worked nonstop for the past two weeks straight to get everything perfect for the grand opening that night. Endless pots of coffee after coffee, enough energy drinks to raise the dead and enough packs of cigarettes to open his own store. The venue, a famous galleria located off of 57th and Madison, had graciously agreed to host a limited run of his collection, Love in Heaven and Hell. All of his life’s work, everything he had put his blood, sweat and literal tears into was about to be on display for all of their friends and family to see.

Beside him, Taeyong mumbled something under his breath as he slept, rolling towards of the warmth of Jaehyun, his arm flopping unceremoniously across the younger’s legs. He nuzzled against Jaehyun’s thigh, a groan as he stretched out, blinking sleepily. One eye squinted up in the bright morning, and Taeyong let out a yawn. “Morning, starshine.”

Routine, as always. Jaehyun half-heartedly let out a small laugh. His eyes crinkled into tiny crescents, his dimples tucking in as he smiles down to his beautiful disaster, leaning down to kiss the messy crown of hair. “The earth says hello.”

**Author's Note:**

> OMG I finally finished this chapter. 
> 
> There is a huge story behind this fic and why I am glad I finally finished the first chapter. I have been working on this on and off for over a year, and could never get it where I wanted it. Even now, I am not entirely happy with this but I can't keep fighting to change it. This story started out with a completely different pairing, and all of the characters were different at one point. No one character is the same as when it started. Then the new boys debuted and I had to change it around because some of them fit better in this than in the other members who were in here. 
> 
> This is not part of the Mea Culpa series, this is its own universe and story line. I have the story mapped out, it's just finding the time and energy to write and complete the rest, and I'm hoping this will at least motivate me to keep going.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and any and all comments/constructive crits are open. This was unbeta'ed so......I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy and follow this story!


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